Girl 1: He’s so smart. He’s set for life.

Girl 2: But is he hot?

Girl 1: No. He looks like a seagull with a beard.

Guy 1: Why in the hell are the ‘80s coming back?

Guy 2: So I can wear my fanny pack and have it be socially acceptable.

Girl: Thank my lucky stars, it’s a man without an ear! Did you see that? He seriously didn’t have an ear.

Girl: (whispering) I love men with guns.

Girl 1: I met this guy at Quinton’s. He plays poker and I’m pretty sure he’s the biggest drug dealer in Lawrence. But he has a great job at Applebee’s.

Guy 1: We never kick it anymore.

Guy 2: I have a girlfriend who buys me things, so please don’t complain to me about us not being able to hang out anymore.

Guy: McCain is a blabbering vagina.

Guy 1: I’m thinking about not going to class.

Guy 2: At least you’re thinking about it.

Guy 1: Who am I kidding? I’m not going to go.

Guy 1: Do you want me to help you move?

Guy 2: I should be doing that today, but I’m going to get in on a little of the old blunt-face-blunt-face real savage.

Guy: Mariah Carey is the definition of thick.

Guy 1: Do you feel like a man when you push me around? Do you feel better now as I fall to the ground?

Guy 2: What are you talking about?

Girl: I think I would get an A in Catholicism.

Guy: Tina Turner out of retirement? I’m sprung all over that.