Guy 1: (talking about the presidential debate) Obama is going to walk out, punch McCain in the face, and walk off.

Guy 2: I would watch that. Except I think McCain would actually win in a fight.

Guy 1: How? By gumming him to death?

Guy 1: You going to get a fish taco?

Guy 2: Nah, I get enough of that in the dorms.

Guy: I’ll be there in a jumpsuit and a fedora. What are you guys going to wear?

Girl: (on phone) You could never be a college athlete…Yeah, well, speed walking to class doesn’t count.

Guy: (singing) Teddy Grahams, oh Teddy Grahams…

Girl: Hey, what are you eating?

Guy: Damn, girl. I said Teddy Grahams.

Guy: I’ll vote for whoever can help me achieve my American dream, and that dream is having a cheese tube permanently installed in my mouth.

Girl: (on phone) I think I just got double-teamed by Jesus.

Guy 1: She said I was erratic in bed last night.

Guy 2: So does that mean you were sloppy?

Guy 1: I don’t know. I did move around a lot.

Guy 1: What is that?

Guy 2: A cellular telephone. I’ll tell you about them later.

Girl: Are you going to be one of Palin’s Joe Six-Packs tonight?

Guy: You know it!

Girl: She was blasting Disney music the whole time I was reading. I could hear her singing to all the Hercules songs.

Guy: I love Hercules.

Guy: I like white shoes the best. You just have to be ready to buy a new pair every week when you spill beer all over them.

Girl: My grandparents are all about orgies.

Guy: (looking at another guy) Wow, that’s quite an eyebrow. Is he a cyclops?