Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Let’s take a look at what’s been playing in theaters this fall. A platter of unique picks includes a sequel to a lame animated children’s flick, another installment of 007’s infinite career, a film adaptation of the latest teen fantasy series and a movie based on a video game. Hm, those sound familiar.
I have nothing against Daniel Craig as James Bond. Quite the contrary. But while watching this fall’s previews, I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’ve seen them all before. I tried to talk myself out of my déjà vu, reminding myself that, like snowflakes, no two movies are exactly alike.
There are differences. Subtle ones.
For instance, the titles are always new. The “V” in “Saw V” helps to remind us that yes, there were only four previous “Saw” films, even though it seems like more. Even “Madagascar” added a nice “2” to its name to save us confusion.
Among the other exciting innovations is a biopic, which, like all its relatives, seems to be about a David vs. Goliath struggle for truth and justice.
The main character is the guy who invented intermittent windshield wipers. How cool is that?
The rest of this year’s “new” films cover a variety of topics. Well, two: WWII and the apocalypse.
Ultimately, I had to face it: Hollywood is running out of ideas. Maybe it hasn’t quite hit bedrock yet, but boy, are we scraping the bottom of the barrel. Fortunately, I found a solution.
During a debate about whether we had actually seen a movie being advertised or just one like it, a friend discovered the answer: Hollywood needs a hiatus. The government, the MPAA or near-comatose audiences should demand that the industry just take a break.
It’s a win-win situation, really. All those concerned with cinema production get to take one year off from work to formulate ideas.
And I mean real ideas, ones that actually haven’t been done before.
Some may find this difficult. Any actors, directors or producers not inclined to participate can do charity work (with the exception of writers, who during this time will receive salaries equivalent to the combined revenues of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie).
A Committee for the Conservation of Cinematic Creativity, which I will lead, will evaluate proposed films. Anything particularly outstanding may be allowed to start production before the year ends.
Otherwise, the industry will be frozen while those brains tick away. I hope this genius plan will result in new life and credibility for the movie industry. If it doesn’t, I will turn to Bollywood.
But I almost forgot, what will audiences do without new movies for a whole year? We’ll watch re-runs, of course.
We’re already doing that anyway.
— Blankenau is a Lincoln, Neb., sophomore in journalism.
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Comments
Blankenau: Déjà boo: Feeling I’ve seen this crap before
Well, when the film industry manages to bring in hundreds of billions of dollars in revenue each year, there's not really much incentive for them to expand their creative horizons. Why spend all that time and energy trying something new and unproven when the same tired ideas still bring in the crowds? I like your idea of forming a committee full of disenfranchised film lovers who want to elevate the medium back to its once-prestegious status, though. You could call it C4, and say that you want to blow a hole in the hull of the leaky ship that is Hollywood and have it sink to the bottom with the rest of the crap.
If you could find a way for the group to become nationally-recognized and people actually cared about your opinions enough to follow them, you might be able to discourage enough people from paying to see horrible movies to actually have an impact on the industry. You'll just need to get some big names to back your cause. I've heard that Roger Ebert might be available now...
Great work as always.
Blankenau: Déjà boo: Feeling I’ve seen this crap before
The best way to get Hollywood to make more original movies is to stop paying for the same rehashed dreck every year. The decisions you make with your money are strongest messages you can send.
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