Guy: What does it mean to “throw some Ds on that bitch?”

Girl: I’ve heard it used in reference to report cards.

Guy: Really? If I’m ever in a situation where I’m failing, I’m going to tell my professor to throw some Ds on that bitch.

Guy 1: I’m so pissed! Who the hell brings ketchup to a party, anyway? It was all over the bathroom.

Guy 2: We’re totally going to have to clean the apartment before we move out. God knows the people before us didn’t.

TA: (talking to another TA) You need to break them, damn it. They all think they’re going to graduate and do something.

Guy: Hard crossword today?

Girl: No, I’m just unusually stupid.

Guy 1: I hate it when I have to walk down a hall where someone’s cleaning the floor. I feel like such a dick.

Guy 2: I actually intentionally walk through where they’re cleaning, just to let them know how low they are.

Girl: Barack Obama apparently has an official Halloween Web site where you can get Barack Obama decorations and Barack Obama pumpkin carving directions. It’s called YesWeCarve.com.

Girl: Yeah, I have to see my parole officer tonight. He’s so hot.

Guy 1: I did Baby Jay once. Not the current Baby Jay, but, like, years ago.

Guy 2: That seems really, really wrong.

Guy 1: Dude, it’s just a costume!

Guy (on phone): The last time I saw him he had dreadlocks and was picking fruit in California.

Girl: Do you want to play “Slamwich?”

Guy: No, I’d rather play “Boxers or Briefs.”

Girl: (sitting down in hallway) Yeah, um, pretty sure someone just puked where I’m sitting.

Girl: I’m wearing my O.J. Simpson gloves.

Guy: I love the smell of leather gloves.