Guy 1: I’m thinking about buying a scooter. Apparently you can just park them anywhere.

Guy 2: They’re multiplying like freakin’ rabbits, man. Just wait a week and you can adopt one.

Girl 1: I’m sick of all these scared little boys who won’t argue with me in discussion.

Girl 2: Who cares? Just dominate them.

Girl: (looking at costumes online with friend) God, you’d have to be oiled-up and hot to pull that off.

Guy: There. I’ve packed up my old clothes for the homeless.

Girl: You’re like, a saint.

Guy: Yeah, I’m Mother Theresa. Only cooler.

Girl: (looking at professor) Is he wearing a floral-print tie?

Guy: I don’t think you’re too concerned about fashion if you’re a professor here.

Girl: Or a professor anywhere.

Girl 1: My boobs hurt.

Girl 2: I want my hair to be curly.

Guy 1: Hey, man. I haven’t seen you in awhile. Where have you been?

Guy 2: Um, nowhere. Market. Things.

Girl: Man, that’s a big bag.

Guy: You know, they say that from space, the astronauts can see the Great Wall, the interstate highways and this bag.

Guy: I love pissing off protesters.

Girl: I can tell.

Guy: I don’t know what it is. Even if it’s something I agree with, I think it’s fun to piss them off.

Girl: I think it’s kind of annoying.

Guy: Yeah. I guess it is. But I love it.

Guy 1: What are you having for dinner?

Guy 2: Paninis.

Guy 1: Mmmm, Pa-nini.

Guy 2: Cuz they’re easy and cheap.

Guy 1: And don’t forget delicious.

Guy 2: All three words that describe me.

Girl 1: I’ve never seen a cervix.

Girl 2: You wouldn’t unless you’re a gyno.

Guy: A gyno-dino! Rawr! (makes T-Rex hand motions)