Monday, September 15, 2008
People often ask how could any man have an opinion about abortion, and this is why I think we can.
This summer, my wife and I finally found out she was pregnant. We had anticipated this day since our marriage. Although we could pursue other achievements, there was nothing we wanted more than to be parents. That sounds old-fashioned, but that's fine.
My wife has been babysitting for more than 14 years. Her favorite job is daycare, and she would still work there if it paid better. I'm lacking in experience, but I too have fond memories of babysitting and watching my little sister grow from a tiny baby to a smart, independent young woman. So my wife and I eagerly dreamed about and planned for our future family.
Weeks later, my wife had what I thought was a standard medical checkup. When she came back four hours later, I knew that our dream was on hold. She had a miscarriage. We hope to be able to have children of our own, but it's not guaranteed that it will happen.
Our story is surprisingly common. About 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Other couples can't get pregnant at all. There are many would-be parents who would give anything in the world to welcome a child into their home.
It pains me to see society view the arrival of a new human being as tragedy or a problem. It is the most wonderful gift you could have. Yes, we all hope the new baby can be born in good health to expecting parents, but every life is precious, whatever the circumstances.
There are extreme circumstances when I agree abortion should be an option — such as if the pregnancy is a threat to the mother's life or in instances of rape or incest — but even then I would hope the mother gives the baby a chance, if at all possible. If you are not able to raise a baby yourself, there are many people willing to help. I know wonderful parents who are finally able to raise a family because a mother was willing and brave enough to put her child up for adoption. I have played with children who are alive only because someone gave them a chance.
Mother Teresa said she would take any baby that would otherwise be aborted. We would gladly make the same offer.
—Nathan Markham is a Lawrence senior in chemical engineering.
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Comments
Letter: Look to community instead of abortion
I'm really sorry for your loss, and I think it takes a lot to tell your story.
However, many women will become pregnant who just don't want to or can't carry a baby full-term, whether it be for personal, economic or emotional reasons. The father can be emotionally involved in the pregnancy, sure, but it will never compare to a woman's involvement in a pregnancy, and sometimes struggle, to decide whether to have an abortion. And because that disconnect exists — women being able to be in the shoes of having to decide, and men not — it ultimately comes down to the woman having a right and final say on what she does with her body.
According to childwelfare.gov, as of Sept. 30, 2005, there were an estimated 513,000 children in foster care. I don't doubt that there are "people there to help" in the event that a woman gives birth to a child she doesn't want to keep — but there simply aren't enough. And keeping a child in foster care for their entire lives isn't solving any problems.
Having an abortion is a multifaceted decision, and hardly ever an easy one for the woman. But ultimately it is their decision, their life, their body.
Letter: Look to community instead of abortion
I agree with onceinawhile. A man will never know what it's like to carry a baby. And while it is a decision for both people, ultimately, a man cannot tell a woman she must carry a baby full-term. Obviously there are many problems that can arise with a pregnancy, but there are also many things that are normal with pregnancy, like morning sickness, weight gain, severe pain and discomfort, that a person cannot tell another person they must endure just to give the child up for adoption. There are many reasons a person may see that it's best to get an abortion, and if it is best, that is the decision of the person who would have to carry the baby.
Letter: Look to community instead of abortion
I thank Mr. Markham for sharing his story.
A full discourse on this topic is one far too lengthy for this comment, but I have to agree with him. And it is about choice: choosing to have sex. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that thrives on the idea of sex without consequences. No matter how many different kinds of contraception are out there, one must have the foresight to know that when you choose to have sex, it may lead to pregnancy. This is certainly a fact that we harp on our boys/young men when they say they weren't ready to be fathers.
Until we do a better job teaching our kids about sex education (including the hormonal and physical changes of pregnancy) and reminding everyone that they should have the foresight to know the consequences of their actions, this issue will not go away.
Bye the way, as for the foster care quote in the first response, remember, many kids in foster care are not the direct result of unintended pregnancy, but poor parenting--another aspect we as a society could do better supporting.
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