Girl 1: I’m borrowing your tube top dress this weekend.

Girl 2: Okay.

Guy: Hey, if you have another tube top dress, I’m borrowing it, too. We should all be tube top whores.

Guy 1: Jennifer Lopez is coming to our party this weekend.

Guy 2: Legit.

Girl 1: Did you order our new shirt?

Girl 2: Yeah.

Girl 1: Isn’t it so pretty it’s ugly?

Girl 1: Why aren’t you going home for fall break?

Girl 2: Part of it’s because I don’t have any money for gas. Part of it’s because my family hates me.

Girl 1: What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?

Girl 2: Stalking people.

Guy: I want to contact Bernie Mac with my Ouija board this weekend.

Girl: You smell of sex and candy.

Girl: I don’t care what the circumstances are. A threesome is never a good idea.

Guy 1: (Looking at a Sex on the Hill) This is like softcore porn.

Guy 2: I know. I’m definitely saving it for a rainy day.

Girl 1: He is not cute.

Girl 2: He looks like an octopus. Or a spider.

Girl 3: Ew, I have the biggest arachnophobia. Don’t say that.

Girl 1: My head is like a sponge. It soaks up everything.

Girl 2: Yeah, my head is like a rock.

Guy: George Foreman has seven sons, and they’re all named George Foreman.

Professor: (looking at blurry projector) Whoa! Is this thing drunk? Well, I guess it is Thursday.