Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Today is April Fool’s Day, one of the most highly anticipated holidays of the year and the only real holiday in the entire month of April (Earth Day, as we all know, is a myth). I know most of you have been busy for the past few weeks, planning your pranks and targeting your more gullible friends, building toward that magical moment when you yell “April Fools!” and your prankee laughs, weeps, screams or performs an uncomfortable combination of the three.
It’s all to honor the spirit of the April Fool, an ancient supernatural being who tricked the Greek philosopher Pythagoras into believing that the square of the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides. Ha! Classic.
While you may not be able to come up with a prank as epic or enduring as the Pythagorean Theorem, you certainly have the opportunity to pull something on a friend, enemy, roommate, classmate or professor that you both will remember for the rest of your lives (assuming, of course, that your prank does not involve inducing long-term amnesia).
But what if, for some reason, April Fool’s Day completely slipped your mind? What if you’ve been so busy with midterms and March Madness that you forgot to plan out an intricate prank worthy of the April Fool? No worries. I have a few pranks you can use today that don’t require too much preparation. Just make sure your target hasn’t read this column. That might cause him or her to catch on fairly quickly. In fact, just find an illiterate. They’re easier to fool anyway.
— “The Populist Uprising”: Here’s a new twist on the old “inciting a riot” gag. Take your friend to a bar or restaurant tonight. After a little conversation, stand suddenly and yell out, “I’m sick of these corporate fat cats!” Inevitably, somebody else will stand up and yell “Yeah! They’re ruining America!” Another person will stand up and yell “No more bonuses for failure!” Now, point at your friend and yell “Look! An AIG executive!” The patrons of the bar will start cursing and throwing things at your friend, chasing him or her out of the building and destroying everything in their path. Zing!
— “Howlin’ at the Moon”: This is a good one to play on your roommate. When he’s taking a nap today, inject him with werewolf serum. He’ll wake up irritated — don’t worry, that’s a normal symptom. During the course of the day, he’ll start growing hair at an unusual rate and develop fangs. When the transformation is complete, yell “April Fools!” Start running. He will try to eat you. (I know, this one may seem a tad impractical. Where are you going to get werewolf serum, especially in this economy? Don’t worry. I can hook you up.)
— “The Fake Money Ruse”: Even complete strangers can be ripe for a good pranking. Find some realistic-looking fake money (again, I can hook you up) and take it to the store of your choice. Don’t bring anything larger than a 20! “Pay” for your things with the “money” and when the cashier says “Have a nice day” or the like, yell “April Fools!” and dash out of the store. (Note: Depending on how much you “spend,” this prank may constitute a felony.)
Now get out there and prank!
— Nichols is an Overland Park sophomore in creative writing.
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