Web site provides love advice from peers

Monday, April 13, 2009

When seeking relationship advice, most people turn to therapists, friends or their parents. Another possibility can be added to the list: posting relationship problems online.

Sidetaker.com is a Web site where both sides of a dispute can be posted anonymously, by one or both parties, and people from around the world pick a side and decide who they think is right.

Justin Marinos, creator of the site, which launched in September 2008, said the idea emerged after an argument he had with a girl he had dated. When advice from his friends didn’t help, he looked elsewhere for guidance.

“I wanted to find out what people I didn’t know thought about the situation,” Marinos said.

Categories range from dating and marriage to disagreements between roommates and co-workers. Marinos said the most popular categories were dating and marriage.

Omri Gillath, social psychology professor, said he was wary of using a site like this to solve relationship conflicts.

“What worries me is that instead of turning to a professional, students will go online and find the answers there,” Gillath said. “I think that is something that might lead to a catastrophe.”

Ashley Wanger, Overland Park junior, said she would use the site to get recommendations about serious issues regarding relationships from a neutral source.

“It can bring out another side of the issue that neither person in the relationship had thought of,” Wanger said.

Don Zahn, Wanger’s boyfriend, said although he would not use the site, he could see how people would find it useful.

“It depends on the person and their experiences,” Zahn said. “A less experienced person in a relationship is probably not going to know how to approach a problem and they’d be more willing to ask for outside help.”

Gillath said though the site was an interesting concept, there was no evidence to support the solutions and that it was difficult to determine what intentions people would have.

“To air your arguments online, it doesn’t help,” Gillath said. “It might deal with the symptoms but definitely not with the problem.”

The site’s disclaimer doesn’t guarantee that an argument will be resolved but rather is used as a resource to provide clarity.

“As far as having it completely resolved, I wouldn’t totally rely on any third party,” Marinos said. “It’s really between the people fighting.”

Tracy Fernandez, Overland Park senior, said she and her boyfriend were very private people and would not use the site. She said says prefers talking to her friends about problems and views a site like this as a need for people to feel socially accepted.

“There’s a growing insecurity as far as social networking is concerned,” Fernandez said.

— — Edited by Realle Roth

Status update

Facebook changes the relationship dynamic.

/news/2011/jun/26/status-update/

Site offers relationship gossip

Students can find information about others’ love lives on the newly launched ...

/news/2009/mar/02/gossip/

Some stuffed friends stick around in college

Teddy bears and blankets often stay with students even after they grow ...

/news/2010/apr/07/some-stuffed-friends/

Dealing with an end

Breaking up can have benefits

/news/2008/jan/24/dealing_end/

Matney: Social networking cheapens connections

Friendships are made more shallow by Facebook.

/news/2010/oct/18/matney-social-networking-cheapens-connections/

College students join ranks of online dating ...

Some students say online profiles allow them to save time by eliminating ...

/news/2010/nov/18/college-students-join-ranks-online-dating-sites/

Broadcast your university

The site is catered for posting college videos, but some videos of ...

/news/2008/feb/06/broadcast_your_university/

Sharing secrets of generosity

Three KU researchers received a grant to examine the science behind generous ...

/news/2010/oct/19/sharing-secrets/

StudyBlue changes the ethics of studying

The site allows students to share notes, even when they don’t ask ...

/news/2010/feb/03/StudyBlue-studying/

Bitch and Moan

/news/2008/nov/20/bitch_moan/

The Anti-Social Network

Facebook has people going green... with jealousy.

/news/2012/feb/29/anti-social/

Keith: Serial monogamy is a lifestyle of ...

With many college students becoming more serious with their partners now than ...

/news/2012/apr/24/keith-serial-monogamy-lifestyle-many/

KU calls on 'dating doctor' for relationship ...

David Coleman, a nationally known speaker on relationships, talks to students about ...

/news/2010/feb/25/dating-doctor/

Society screwing with sexuality

As advertising constantly bombards people with sex, religion and government laws try ...

/news/2007/sep/21/sex_and_our_society/

Kansas in heat: Conflict management

Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one ...

/news/2009/dec/03/kansas-heat-conflict-management/

Breaking up: like breaking an addiction

New research suggests romantic rejection creates brain activity similar to withdrawal symptoms.

/news/2010/jul/25/breaking-breaking-addiction/

Pushing the button

Breaking up through text messaging may be the easy way out, but ...

/news/2009/nov/19/pushing-button/

Students and parents have resources

Whether they're a long distance or short ride away, students can feel ...

/news/2010/sep/06/students-and-parents-have-resources/

Love at first sex

Can rewarding relationships develop out of casual sex?

/news/2010/nov/18/love-first-sex/

Let's talk about sex, baby, and not ...

Asexuality is an often overlooked sexual orientation.

/news/2009/dec/03/lets-talk-about-sex-baby-and-not-having-it-ever/

Diplomatic Discussion

When conflicts arise, talk your way to a civil solution.

/news/2011/may/05/Contact-diplomatic-discussion-relationship-talking/

Malicious Intimacy

Four students' experiences with domestic violence.

/news/2011/may/04/malicious-intimacy/

Users abuse Facebook

/news/2005/feb/10/news_campus_facebook/

University launches Wiki site

Site to be used to educate

/news/2008/feb/04/wikupedia/

Haiti, six months later

Attention has turned to the BP oil spill, but relief efforts can’t ...

/news/2010/jul/19/haiti-six-months-later/

Online lovin’: click your pick

/news/2005/mar/17/jayplay_features_loving/

Matney: Facebook distorts relationships

Social networking distorts relationship boundaries.

/news/2010/sep/15/matney-facebook-distorts-relationships/

Veterans’ transition not always smooth

Everything from receiving educational benefits to socializing with civilians can be a ...

/news/2009/dec/09/veterans-transition-not-always-smooth/

Make me a match

Finding a date and eventual mate is as easy as jumping into ...

/news/2009/jan/29/make_me_match/

Couples Advice: Jarrett Lies and Nick Aguilar

Successful couples share.

/news/2012/feb/29/couples-advice2/

Bitch & Moan

Niloofar answers students' most pertinent sexual concerns.

/news/2007/may/03/bitch/

Facebook: Friend or foe?

Students cite maintaining their privacy and avoiding wasting time as main reasons ...

/news/2011/oct/12/facebook-friend-or-foe/

Kansas In Heat: Long-distance relationships

Mike says you should just say no.

/news/2010/aug/19/kansas-heat-long-distance-relationships/

Age gaps

Age is just a number.

/news/2011/sep/14/age-gaps/

The green-eyed relationship killer

How to resolve jealousy in relationships

/news/2008/mar/13/greeneyed_relationship_killer/

Kansas in Heat: Communication is key

Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice.

/news/2009/nov/05/kansas-heat-communication-key/

Virtual Love

College students are growing users of online dating services.

/news/2012/feb/08/virtual-love/

Three little words, one big step

How to tell if you're ready to say "I love you"

/news/2008/dec/11/three_little_words_one_big_step/

Welcome to the World of 'You'

Move over Facebook, step aside MySpace: a new online community called YouTube ...