Wednesday, April 15, 2009
It is 2 a.m. and there’s a man in my living room, his eyes uneven, face contorting as he confronts me. He could be drugged or delirious. He is aggressive and wants money.
“Hi, it’s Vince with ShamWow — you’re going to be saying ‘wow’ every time you use this towel.”
The next two minutes seem like forever. There’s no escaping his peddling, nor his junkie energy. Worse yet, he almost has me pull out my credit card and call now. Finally, after I refuse him $19.99 (plus shipping and handling), he fades out of the picture. Family Guy resumes and Vince is gone. Or so I think.
“Hi, it’s Vince with Slap Chop. You’re going to be in a great mood all day because you’re going to be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop.”
Yeesh, he’s relentless and cryptic. The 44-year-old Vince Shlomi — after shedding his headset microphone, spiked hair and makeup — slap-chopped a $1,000 hooker in February after she bit down on his tongue and wouldn’t let go. The two were arrested but, despite this, Shlomi still turns up in my living room now and then looking for Jacksons. After finally seeing what he does with the money, I’ll have to pass.
If being a television pitchman were a sport, Shlomi would most certainly have been regarded as an up-and-coming team. His off-the-set exploits aren’t exactly unprecedented around professional athlete circles. Furthermore, Shlomi even has a rival: the legendary Billy Mays, who even pitched a recent ESPN 360 commercial.
If you own a television you’ve seen him. With a thick beard and distinctive tone, Mays prompts philosophical quandaries with every two-minute pitch. Should I buy dinner tonight or OxiClean? Is this month’s utility bill really that pressing when I can order a Samurai Shark sharpener instead?
And that’s it. Products that many of us wouldn’t even accept for free become must-haves when a manic pitchman jumps out of our television screens. And some of these pitchmen are so engaging that we stay seated when the commercials roll — it’s not even the Super Bowl!
On second thought, maybe it has become a sport. Mays and Swivel Sweeper hawker Anthony Sullivan will debut the new reality show “Pitchmen” tonight at 9 on the Discovery Channel (channel 37). The show will follow the two as they evaluate and pitch new items. It is clear that these guys are no longer just cartoon characters. They’re also millionaires, and we made them that way.
The Los Angeles Times’ Dan Neil writes: “Cultural historians would do well to mark the show’s premiere as the moment when the last scorched stone fell from the wall separating art and commerce. Here, then, is the end of the product-integration rainbow: advertising as entertainment as advertising, with commercials in between.”
Sometimes I wonder whether we watch these guys because we are wowed by their product and presentation or because we can relate to them in a way. See, we’re all pitchmen in some way — some of us better than others. Some of us obtain beer money after a convincing pitch that our parents’ checks will go towards rent. Some of us get out of speeding tickets because, well, officer, we’re just going through a rough time right now.
— Montemayor is a Mission junior in journalism.
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Montemayor: New TV show ‘Pitchmen’ brings Billy new limelight
Actually, besides a thousand dollar hooker, Shlomi is repaying debts related to a film he made and his lawsuit with the church of Scientology.
Montemayor: New TV show ‘Pitchmen’ brings Billy new limelight
This got us thinking about the best infomercials for products we didn't even know we needed. See which ones you succumbed to through the years. http://www.getback.com/gallery/it-slices-it-dices/2986934/1
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