Monday, April 27, 2009
I’m generally a lazy person, but two things make me feel lazier than any skipped afternoon class: the NFL Draft and Rocky movie marathons on TNT.
With the draft, you’re literally watching people watch TV. Not to mention the fact it’s just an uneducated guessing game.
With Rocky marathons, Rocky Balboa and (insert Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang or Ivan Drago) look like they’re cut from granite, which makes me feel like a marshmallow as I wash down a frozen pizza with another Hee-Haw.
However, no matter how many times I swear off both of these events, I’m glued to the screen as soon as the TV clicks on. So, in an effort to make myself feel a little better after wasting 48 hours on ESPN, here are some things I found interesting during the draft:
• Oakland continues to be the dumbest franchise in the history of the NFL. Obsessed with speed, Raiders owner Al Davis selected Maryland’s Darrius Heyward-Bay and his 4.3-second 40 time with the No. 7 pick. He wanted even more speed, but Usain Bolt wasn’t on the board (cue rimshot). In the second round, Davis topped it off by drafting Michael Mitchell out of Ohio. Widely regarded as a late-rounder or even a free agent, Mitchell is now rich because Davis doesn’t understand how football works.
• Though no Kansas players were drafted, there were plenty of Kansas highlights. Actually, highlights with Jayhawks getting beat would be more accurate. Highlight packages for Texas A&M’s Stephen McGee and Texas Tech’s top trio (WR Michael Crabtree, DB Darcel McBath and OL Louis Vasquez) all featured a plethora of plays against Kansas.
• The draft is much more enjoyable on day two, mainly because of ESPN’s desperate attempts to fill time throughout the day. The best example of this was Erin Andrews’ interview with Texas’ Quan Cosby and former comedian Dr. Bill Cosby (no relation).
Bill is friends with Longhorn coach Mack Brown, and when he met Quan and he asked to be part of his entourage on draft day. So there was Quan, Andrews and Bill, who was dressed in a Temple jersey and helmet, all crammed onto a love seat too small for Gary Coleman.
After a few failed jokes — Bill really isn’t too funny these days — Bill said he wanted to be drafted by Detroit, which led to the most awkward Q&A in recent history.
Andrews: What is the biggest strength you could bring to the Detroit Lions?
Bill: Fear.
Andrews: Don’t you think there’s enough of that already in Detroit?
Bill: Did you ever corner anything, and then found out that it just terrified you? You had cornered it and it was just going to come out and get you. That’s how you have to play.
And with that I learned that one of the greatest comedians of our time has lost his mind.
— — Edited by Realle Roth
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