I’ve been dating this guy for just over a month. I like him a lot, and I might even be falling for him. But he’s pushing way too hard emotionally ... talking to me about how I could be ‘the one.’ Should I jump ship? Stacey, sophomore

Carly: Stacey, I wish I could find you and tell you this as soon as possible—get the hell out. You may think I’m being too harsh, but I really hope you take my advice on this. I know from personal experience that a relationship that starts off like what you just described is bad news, and here’s why.

Every relationship has a “honeymoon phase.” You and your boyfriend have been together for just more than a month—you’re still in that phase. Odds are that you haven’t had a major fight yet. I think that first fight is really important, because then you get to know even more about the person and it puts your emotions in check.

Also, a guy who gets that emotionally involved after such a short period is going to be really insecure and get jealous easily. I don’t want to get all Freudian here, but there’s some kind of need for love that wasn’t met in his life. Don’t be the one to fill the void. Get out. Now.

Elliot: Stacey, it was a valiant effort. You got to know this guy well, had some fun, and I applaud you for that. But Carly’s right. You need to abandon ship now. This guy’s trying to hook you soon and get you utterly ensnared in this relationship to the point that you can’t escape. ‘The one?’ After four weeks? That’s alarming to me, and I haven’t even met this guy! I’m not saying you didn’t connect. And I’m not saying that your affection is false. But to hear you talk about it, it sounds as if his concept of your relationship is unrealistic and potentially unhealthy. Cut your ties.

She’s everything a good man wants: intelligent, friendly, hard-working and healthy. She even has fashion and flirting smarts. But sexually, I’m just not attracted to her. Mostly because she’s not pretty. I know that’s a really shallow reason, and I feel guilty about it. I know she likes me, and I feel horrible about turning her down for something she can’t control. What to do? Chris, senior

Carly: First of all—stop flirting with her, no matter how ‘smart’ she is when it comes to flirting. It sends a mixed signal, and it will get you in even more trouble. I think an important thing to do at this point would be to set the record straight. It seems she could have easily taken you flirting with her as an indication that you’re interested. Give her the opportunity to find someone who likes everything about her.

Don’t get me wrong; just because you’re not physically attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’re shallow. I think this is really similar to a question we had earlier in the semester, so I’ll repeat the basic message: You need sexual chemistry. If you’re not attracted to her, it won’t be there and you’ll find your relationship is lacking. I find it really frustrating that there’s a stigma against not being attracted to someone. So what? Why can’t we be allowed to find someone with whom we have a good connection—emotionally and physically?

Elliot: Chris, you’re not just shallow. You’re also a jackass. Stringing this girl along is utterly deplorable. You should be ashamed of yourself. So you complimented her a few times in your letter. Big deal. You’re leading her along and that’s dishonest. Sure, it’s nice to be the one being pursued. You’re doted upon, fawned over, and generally get constant ego boosts. But unless you stop leading her on right here and now, you’re the kind of guy every girl hates and loves to detest vocally. I’m sorry if I seem harsh, but I don’t mind bringing you back down to earth. You have nothing, NOTHING, to complain about. Like Carly suggests, set the record straight. Let her know the score. Then all you can do is hope she forgives you (when you apologize, that is) for how utterly crass you’ve been.