Tuesday, August 18, 2009
In an effort to bring all of the offseason happenings together in one column, I am using one of my favorite movies, “Billy Madison,” to not only get back into school spirit, but to enlighten sports fans and students with lines from one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. I’ll start with one of the most memorable songs in movie history:
1. “Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool.”
Congratulations, Dezmon Briscoe! As Kansas fans have found out in the last week, you will make coach Mark Mangino, your family and all Kansas football fans proud because you stepped up, packed up your lunch box, sharpened your pencils and became eligible just in time for school and the football season. Thanks for putting fears of your ineligibility to bed; not only will you and all students be going back to school, but I hope you can take some of those Big 12 corners to school and fail them in their efforts to stop you.
2. “I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight! Oooohhh, back to school!”
Welcome all new recruits! Tie your boots, and get ready for one heck of a ride. Billy Madison may have had some help from his maid, Juanita, but you recruits are on your own now.
Dear Quintin Woods (KU’s latest addition to the defensive end position),
Your 6-foot-6 frame and 230 pounds are perfect numbers for starting fights. But please, wait until you line up against a Northern Colorado tackle or tight end to really put a pounding on someone so that the fans won’t have to sing “Owwww, back to school.”
Sincerely,
KU students
3. Frank: “I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo or something.”
Jack: “Hey, maybe they’re playing Marco Polo. Marco!”
Frank: “Polo! Jeez, that was a great game.” (while Ms. Vaughn pummels Billy)
One person I would not play Marco Polo with would be Darrell Stuckey. The preseason all-conference safety might not look as good as Veronica Vaughn, but he hits a little harder. Big things are expected as this football season starts, and Stuckey has the game to fulfill those expectations. I’d love to hear a Texas receiver yell out Marco, so we could all see what happens when Polo finds him.
4. “Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I make the hair silky and smooth! Oh really fool? Really!” (Billy in the bath tub)
I’ll let the Billy Madison football analogies die for now and bring in the biggest offseason story for our men’s basketball team. Xavier and C.J. Henry declared their commitment to Kansas basketball over the summer. It’s a little early to say who will go on first and really help the Jayhawks back to a championship, but one thing is certain: The two brothers are going to shine as Kansas basketball stars.
— — Edited by Lauren Cunningham
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