Pope: Hey, Ryan. I’ve got a problem.

Snyder: What’s up?

Pope: Well, not me personally, but some friends of mine. As columnists for their university’s newspaper, the Collegiate Nightly Nasnak, they had this really great idea to spice up their section. All they asked in return was for a little help from their loyal fans, but in a cruel twist of fate they were betrayed and ignored.

Snyder: Wow, that’s terrible. Judging from your description, these guys seem like they’re both extremely talented and devilishly handsome. Who could be so cold and callous?

Pope: The worst part is that it would only take their readers a few minutes out of the day to help these guys out, and they would be rewarded with quality entertainment.

Snyder: To be fair, they could be doing so many other things with those few minutes, such as making a delicious Hot Pocket and then throwing it up, that are equally rewarding. Besides, if I wanted to spend that much time in thought I would actually go to class. I’m not surprised that they haven’t received any help.

Pope: That’s not entirely true. I’ve been told that a few tremendously bored individuals have made attempts to contribute, though their suggestions weren’t that great. I mean, does anyone really want to read a debate about the winner of a fight between a shark and a tiger in zero-gravity?

Snyder: Of course not. It’s obvious that the shark would win.

Pope: Are you kidding? A shark has just its mouth to attack with, while the tiger has that and four claws! That’s a 5-to-1 attack ratio. The only way the tiger could lose is if it were from Missouri. They can’t win anything.

Snyder: Don’t throw your fancy education at me. That has no business in this argument. In fact, this argument has no business here to begin with! It’s no wonder those guys feel betrayed; who could work with that?

Pope: The thing I can’t understand is why people would be hesitant to have a say in what they read in their daily paper. Isn’t that the reason Facebook and iGoogle are so popular? Because they tailor information to suit specific interests? If I ever had the opportunity to get my name put in print, by golly, I’d do everything I could to make that happen — rob a bank, punt a puppy, write a subpar opinion column. Nothing would stand in my way.

Snyder: Plus, there’s the chance that by writing in, some of the columnists’ greatness could rub off on the reader. And maybe, just maybe, they would want to rub off on the columnists, too. Ladies.

Pope: You know, this whole situation has taught me a valuable lesson. You shouldn’t be afraid to voice your own opinions and become an active consumer of media, especially when it’s easy to do so.

Snyder: Besides, if you don’t, we will unleash a gravity-defying tiger and shark to destroy you. Be thankful for such generosity.

Pope: You’re welcome.

P.S. — Please, for the love of everything holy, read the little box and send us ideas. We’re dying here!