Sunday, February 8, 2009
The other night I was watching the Baylor game on television when, as ESPN typically does before a commercial break, the camera cut to the most raucous fans in all of Waco, Texas.
That was when I saw it. The most brilliantly antagonistic sign I’d ever seen. Written not by mortal hands on mere poster board, nay, this sign was written by the gods themselves: forged of the finest composite recycled white papers in all the land, scrawled with markers of the most pure green and incandescent yellow ever created. This was no mere ledger to announce that SportsCenter was coming up next. No. This was something of a more cosmic, divine inspiration.
“You’re not in Kansas anymore!”
Sheer, unadulterated, unmitigated brilliance.
You see, this Baylor fan managed to mine two lodes of fundamental comic effectiveness. First, he derided what is our apparent inability to find our own butts with our hands.
“Wait — I’m not in Kansas anymore? But I thought — oh no, they just scored 50 points while I was distracted.”
Second, he went straight for the jugular with a reference to a movie that came out before most of our parents were twinkles in our grandparents’ eyes.
The sad truth is that people have thought of this joke many, many, many times before. It seems that every time someone thinks that it would make an instantly unforgettable sign, there’s inevitably a cameraman nearby who finds the sign inspired and original. I’ve counted signs with the exact same phrase at least 12 times this school year. You would think the networks would stop rewarding this behavior.
At the Orange Bowl I counted no fewer than three signs that informed me that I was no longer in Kansas (admittedly I did, for a time, assume that Miami, Fla., was a few miles south of Coffeyville). At some point you would figure that the director would realize they played the same joke three times. He was probably too busy doubled over in fits of hysterical laughter.
“It’s funny because it’s true! They’re NOT in Kansas! You see? Like the movie!”
I should begin lurking at sporting events with a sign that says “This Joke hasn’t been Funny Since 1939.” Every time the cameras cut to someone with the sign, I will slow-motion dive in front and let the world know how I really feel: annoyed that people can’t come up with anything better than the beat-to-death horse that is the “Wizard of Oz” joke.
I wonder whether Kansans get this kind of treatment anywhere else in the world. I can totally imagine Nancy Pelosi going down the roll in the House, when suddenly her eyes get just a bit ahead of the name she’s calling. Impishly looking up from the list, she asks for Dennis Moore’s attendance before belting out a mighty, “Hey Moore! You’re not in Kansas anymore!”
She would bring the house down.
— Neubauer is a Lynn Haven, Fla., senior in journalism.
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