My boyfriend is abroad. A few weeks ago, I went to a bachelor party for a guy friend of mine and we ended up at a strip club. A friend of mine paid for a lap dance from a female dancer for me. And when my boyfriend found out, he flipped. He knows I’d never cheat on him and that I like only guys, but he still freaked out. If anything, what should I have done differently? Eva, junior

Carly: Nothing. Seriously. You didn’t do anything wrong. What was his argument? Was he mad about the lap dance or that you went to a bachelor party? Actually, it doesn’t even matter. If your boyfriend knows that you’re faithful and only attracted to guys, then he has no reason to flip out. Unfortunately, reason and being rational aren’t things at play here. Your boyfriend is probably jealous that you’re out having fun while he’s so far away. He is also probably uncomfortable with the idea of you going out with a bunch of guys. This can cause anyone to flip out normally—being abroad exacerbates the situation. I hope that your boyfriend has since apologized, citing the reasons I just mentioned as why he got upset. If he hasn’t, you deserve an apology. You were honest with him about what you did, you didn’t cheat on him, and you’re not letting his being abroad stop you from living your life. What more could he ask for?

Elliot: Eva, I’m guessing your fella’s just jealous. Maybe he wishes he could’ve been there with you. Maybe he just doesn’t like the idea of anyone grinding anywhere near you except him. Whatever the reason, I think you should at least recognize the situation you put him in. No matter your sexual orientation, going to a strip club and letting someone (and a scantily clad someone at that) into your personal space is a very intimate experience. Even if he knows you wouldn’t run off with [insert incredibly clichéd stripper name here], just knowing you let someone else be near you in that way may have been enough of a betrayal for him. Am I saying you did something wrong? No. Am I saying you’ve inherently broken some sacred oath of relationships? No. What you should’ve done differently is what you didn’t seem to do. You didn’t look at this from his perspective or consider what he’d think or feel. And, to be clear, I would hold him to the very same had the roles been reversed.

My roommate recently started hooking up regularly with one of our friends. From the start, I knew it was a bad idea. I had talked to her previously about this guy she had dated who blew her off and completely played with her emotions. She said she wanted a good guy, and then started messing around with my roommate—who I knew was bad news. Out of optimism, I let it go, but then he cheated on her with an ex. She found out, got pissed, but a few days later was back on his arm. What’s the deal? Matt, sophomore

Carly: Honestly, who knows? Common sense would dictate that your friend leave the guy and find someone who gives her what she needs. However, as mentioned above, we’re not always rational beings. I understand that your friend got upset when she found out that your roommate hooked up with an ex. She’s not in a relationship with your roommate, though, so there’s not a commitment to not sleep with other people. Is there a mutual understanding that they’ll be exclusive or are they working off of conflicting assumptions? If your friend and your roommate want to continue this arrangement, they need to set some boundaries. Just to note: It sounds like you did your part by warning her in the beginning. You can only prevent people from making mistakes for so long. Your friend obviously has a deeper connection to your roommate than you can battle against, so don’t worry too much about it.

Elliot: OK, Matt. Time for some brutal honesty. The deal is simple: people can be stupid, weak and impulsive. Clearly your friend cares more about having someone than having someone who respects her. People can be so starved for attention and affection that they’ll go running back to someone (like your roommate) who deliberately disrespected them in the first place, just because that person will give them some momentary attention. But that’s not really why you wrote us with a question. You wrote because clearly this upsets you in some way. Either you feel something for this friend or just object to jerks like your roommate on principle. Whatever the case may be, trust me when I say that you don’t want to get involved. You might think that once you give either party a piece of your mind that the situation will get better. It won’t. If you bring it up with your friend, she’ll feel like you’re telling her what to do. If you mention it to your roommate, you’re in for an incredibly awkward living situation.