Here’s my constant dilemma. I go out with a lot of girls, but it usually doesn’t make it past the first date or two. After I decide I don’t want to date them, I always get confused about how to proceed. Do I just stop answering their calls and texts, which seems rude? Or, do I have to actually tell them that I’m not interested, which again sounds rude and a little presumptuous after just a date or two. I’m trying to do the mature yet polite and kind thing. Eddy, sophomore

Carly: Kudos for wanting to do the “mature yet polite and kind thing.” As far as what exactly the “mature yet polite and kind thing” is, I’m not sure. As you said, ignoring calls and text messages is rude. Plus, it puts extra—and unnecessary—stress on the girl, who will wonder why you’re not calling. If I were one of these girls, I would appreciate a direct approach. It may seem rude, but it’s effective. This may sound heartless and very anti-girl of me, but a simple text would suffice. There really is no reason to make a big production out of things—it has only been one or two dates. Just say something like, “I had fun with you, but I didn’t really feel a connection.” My only word of caution is to make sure you say something that won’t make a chance encounter with this girl extremely awkward. Keep it plain and simple.

Elliot: Look, if you’re not interested after two dates, you’re not interested. Also, stop with the false modesty. If you were really beating yourself up for being presumptuous, you would have changed your standard operating procedure by now. As for how to share your point of view with the person, it’s fairly simple: be honest and tactful. Point out that you like her but not in a romantic context. In all likelihood, the other person will agree. If not, then the dynamic was flawed from the start. You can’t simply ignore phone calls. That’s when things devolve from an understandably dead-end dating situation into you being an asshole. Man up. Answer the phone and speak your mind. The honesty you’re showing these potential mates will only build and strengthen so that, by the time you’ve found someone with potential, you won’t self-sabotage by being less than truthful.

My brother just got out of a long relationship. The other night, he called me, telling me he thought he was suddenly bisexual because so many girls were hitting on him and he wasn’t interested in any of them. What do I tell him? Amanda, freshman

Carly: Your brother is freaking out a little bit. I’d tell him to take a breath and calm down. If he just got out of a long-term relationship, of course he wouldn’t be interested in other girls. However, if his recent ex called him up and asked for a post-breakup booty call, I’m sure he’d go over there running. Your brother isn’t bisexual; at the risk of sounding cheesy, he’s just heart-broken. Tell him to quit being such a baby about these girls hitting on him. If anything, it should be comforting. Just because they’re hitting on him does not mean he has to accept their advances. He should take it as a sign that there are plenty of fish in the sea, as the old saying goes, and when he’s ready to start diving again, there will be someone waiting for him.

Elliot: Your brother is not bisexual. He’s an emotional train wreck. After people get out of long relationships, it takes a long while to find out which way is up again. Your brother didn’t want any of the girls who hit on him because none of them were his ex. And, of course, they never will be. For a while, it may seem to him as if women aren’t attractive. Tell him that this too shall pass and that things will heal. Time and time again, people write Bitch & Moan questions that address the same universal theme: things take time. And whether your brother spends that time having fun and meeting people is his choice. If it were me, I’d choose fun. Your role in all of this will be giving him a healthy dose of perspective in any way he needs. Later on, he’ll thank you for it.