If you have a nose and play basketball in the Big 12, please take cover immediately.

First, an elbow to Cole Aldrich’s nose turned his uniform into a Halloween costume. Then on Saturday night, an open hand brushed against Blake Griffin’s nose turned the Player of the Year into an incoherent mess.

Sitting in between two doctors at the end of the bench, Griffin looked like a drunken child who didn’t know where he was or why he could see a purple rhinoceros riding a whale (actual hallucinations may vary).

It seems there’s a vendetta against Big 12 big men with a nose, which means Kansas State’s Darren Kent should be on full alert.

Fortunately for Aldrich, his nose problems appear to be behind him. And that’s great news, because a 6-foot-11 ‘ah-shucks’ kid with chicken legs doesn’t need another reason for his teammates to give him the business.*

*Fun fact: Giving someone the business can actually draw a penalty flag in college football. Just go to YouTube, type in ‘Giving Him the Business,’ wait for the 43-second mark and enjoy.

Griffin’s the more interesting case, because Texas’ Dexter Pittman barely glanced Griffin’s face protrusion.

I thought it was a fluke until I did some research and discovered some little known facts about the Griffin family.

Gail Griffin, Blake’s mother, is actually a Greek goddess. When Blake was born, she grabbed his nose and dipped his body into a vat of Dominique Wilkins’ sweat so that he could dominate opponents like The Human Highlight Film once did.

However, Pittman discovered this fatal secret. He knew one small swipe across the bridge would dismantle his opponent, because that’s where Gail hung on to her son and that part didn’t get sweaty.

It’s a tough break for Blake, but kudos to Pittman for giving us the phrase Griffin’s nose as an alternative to Achilles’ heel.

THE LUNK

According to the box score, Matt Kleinmann’s bucket on Saturday was a dunk.

Those were his first points since Dec. 30, so I’m sure that Big Red didn’t care how they came. But in fairness to athletes who can actually slam, we need the scorebook to include Kleinmann’s hybrid layup/dunk, or lunk.

A lunk is really a layup, but the perpetrator touches the rim to create the illusion of a dunk. The common culprit is a tall but un-athletic white guy (like me), most likely playing at the rec.

It’s more embarrassing than just making a layup, especially when you play Division I basketball, because it almost always means that you tried, and failed, to dunk.

MONDAY YOUTUBE SESH

The Lonely Island is getting plenty of YouTube attention lately.

For those who don’t know, The Lonely Island is made up of Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, and it’s responsible for YouTube sensations like “Jizz in My Pants” and “I’m On a Boat,” which have combined for more than 32 million views as of 7 p.m. Sunday.

Well, the guys have plenty of other videos on YouTube, and my new favorite is semi-sports related.

Search “We Like Sportz” and enjoy.

— — Edited by Casey Miles