Monday, January 26, 2009
Let’s talk about sex. Obviously in order to have sex there must be a man and a woman, a man and a man or a woman and a woman. However you choose to do it, we all have sex.
When it comes to heterosexual sex, the same question has been asked since the beginning of time. Why is it that when a man has sex with multiple women he is considered a stud, but when a woman has sex with multiple men she is considered a slut?
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Women have gained the right to vote, the right to wear short skirts and pants in public, the right to be treated as equals to men in the workplace, yet women are not considered equals to men in the bedroom.
In the biblical age, sex was not an acceptable topic of conversation, but rather a means of procreation. And in many tribes in other parts of the world today sex is only meant for men to enjoy and women to endure. For example, the Bana tribe located in Ethiopia believes in circumcising women as well as men. When a woman is circumcised, the clitoris is removed from the vagina so that the woman is not able to experience any sexual pleasure.
American society has come a long way in women’s rights. Women have gained the right to vote, the right to wear short skirts and pants in public, the right to be treated as equals to men in the workplace, yet women are not considered equals to men in the bedroom. The women’s sexual movement will be a never-ending fight for equality.
When a woman has had many sexual partners, she is seen as promiscuous. Typically, men will not take her seriously when it comes to a relationship. She’s “the fun girl,” “the friend with benefits,” “the one night stand,” “a cuddy buddy,” “a booty call” and the list goes on. Most men like this type of woman for today but not for tomorrow. A guy would not take her home to meet his family, because she will not be in his life for long. She’s what’s called a “quick fix” until he decides to settle down with Mrs. Right. When a man has numerous sexual partners, however, he receives a social trophy for his accomplishments. Men want women to wait around for Mr. Right, even though they are not willing to wait for Mrs. Right. If a woman tells a man that she wants to wait until she is married before engaging in sex, not many men will wait for her. Most men would just get sex elsewhere, whether that entails cheating or simply leaving for a woman that will have sex before marriage. It’s a lose-lose situation for women.
It’s no secret; women enjoy sex just as much, if not more than, men but do not want to be categorized as the promiscuous type. There is an obvious injustice here. If men choose to refer to women who sleep around as sluts, they should also refer to themselves as sluts if they are sleeping around.
— Cartledge is a Wichita junior in journalism.
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Comments
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
Wow, man. That's, like, deep. I can't believe nobody's brought that up before. You're, like, a totally revolutionary thinker.
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
I think a lot of the negative stigma and namecalling comes from fellow females rather than guys, honestly. In addition, women have the choice of whether or not to sleep with men they consider to be overly promiscuous.
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
Men can be sluts and females who get around are g's...yall mean
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
First, I doubt this question has been asked since the beginning of time.
Second, the best way to fight the "inequality" you write about is to take your female friends to task and have them start calling those studs sluts. I think connerm's comment was quite true. This sort of indirect aggressive tactic seems much more female than male. Though I know men say it, too.
Third, what's so wrong with moderation? You don't need to sleep with dozens of men (or women) to have a good time sexually.
Fourth, until the women's movement realizes that social learning theory and other theories devoid of biological influences are not the only things driving human behavior--we're not blank slates, it will fail to solve this hugely important, I'm-losing-sleep-over-this, mother of all questions.
Fifth, a woman who approaches sex with a little moderation is certainly more appealing in the long run, as she's less of a risk for the future husband to be--in more ways than just being less likely to have an STD. Her track record will speak volumes. Men and women are different, get over it! Read more about evolutionary psychology and biology's role in behavior development.
Last, you write as if people can either never have sex before marriage or have lots of it, there's nothing between these extremes. If a woman doesn't want to be called a slut, then moderation is the key.
Bye the way, I would venture that there are a lot of women out there who would not wait for the man who states that he wants to wait until he's married before engaging in sex. Unfortunately, chastity is no longer en vogue for either sex.
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
First, I must disagree with Ms. Cartledge’s characterization of sex in the Bible. The Bible tells us that “Solomon loved many women.” He had 300 wives and 700 concubines. The Song of Solomon discusses in some detail both King Solomon’s desire for a woman, and her desire for him. Sampson’s desires are what got him into trouble. King David saw Bathsheba bathing and that she “was lovely to behold” before committing adultery with her. The Apostle Paul said that husbands and wives should not withhold themselves from each other, and that it was better to marry than to burn with passion. None of this relates to procreation.
I do not condone male promiscuity, but the double standard is dictated by biology. It is a burden that goes with the woman bearing children.
Even now, no form of birth control is 100% effective. It is in the woman’s best interest to have a reliable, committed mate to help raise any children she bears. Further, a man can have numerous sexual partners and as long as the woman is monogamous, there is no doubt as to the parentage of the child the woman bears. But if the woman has even one other sexual partner, without a DNA test, there is doubt as to the parentage of the child.
The need for stability in the child’s life has resulted in laws declaring a husband, or a man with whom a woman is cohabiting at the time of conception, to be the father, even if a child is the result of the wife’s infidelity. This received publicity last week in testimony before the Kansas legislature. For those of you who missed it, a woman whose husband is a soldier in Iraq, testified that her husband had divorced his first wife because she cheated on him and had a child by the other man. Although the child was not his, the husband had to pay support for that child. Obviously, we do not require a woman to raise and support a child which is the result of the husband’s infidelity. This is a real double standard!
If a woman has a history of promiscuity, it is reasonable to believe she will continue to seek other sexual partners after she is married. Why would a man want to marry her and increase the risk that he will be required to raise and support another man’s child? Even if the couple does not divorce, either the man is a victim of the wife’s deception, or the child will be a constant reminder of the wife’s infidelity.
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
"If a woman has a history of promiscuity, it is reasonable to believe she will continue to seek other sexual partners after she is married."
This is a baseless assumption and just as bad as the article in its blindness. If a woman has a history of Cheating, it is reasonable to believe she will seek other sexual partners during her marriage. Promiscuous people (not all maybe, but I'm sure there is a population) do grow up and settle down, both male and female.
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
Let me agree with and add to empirelucas's comment by noting that there is also a major difference between promiscuity and cheating. To say that promiscuity translates to infidelity later in life is not an easy statement to support. However, someone who cheats in a relationship now is probably more likely than those who don't to cheat later in life.
Cartledge: Double standard persists between men and women
There are men and women who chose to wait until marriage to have sex because of a religious commitment that is very real and serious to them. There are men and women to whom sex is simply not that interesting or important. Some do it for bragging rights, some for fun. You have to decide which one you are and accept the consequences for your decision. People are always going to have opinions about others. Whether you never have sex or have it every day someone is going to comment on it. Deal with it.
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