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This Sunday is a day many of us celebrate our fathers.

Whether it’s just a call, sending a card or spending the day with them, it’s a day reserved for all children, young and old, to remember the greatest men in their lives.

This will be my 11th year without my father. My dad died when I was 12 after having cancer for two years and his death has affected almost every aspect of my life.

I was a selfish child, since I am the only one, and when my mom told me we wouldn’t be taking the family vacation to Disney World, when I was 10, I was devastated. She’d told me daddy was sick and we’d have to go once he got better.

We eventually took the trip after my father had gone through multiple surgeries, rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. He’d lost weight and had bouts of anger. I still have the photos of the vacation, dad and I with smiles on our faces, his throat looking like raw hamburger meat and although you can’t see it in photos, the port used for the chemo, which was implanted in his chest.

I remember everything. As painful as it is, I make myself remember, so I’ll never forget. I remember the nights sitting up in strange hospital waiting rooms – waiting for whatever news was to come. I remember the times I had to watch my own father, the strongest person I knew, fall to his knees in pain while vomiting up blood and gripping the toilet bowl until his knuckles were white. I remember watching him cry for the first and only time in my life after co-workers had collected money for his treatments.

And I will always remember the day I was told he was gone forever. The days following his death were a whirlwind. Picking out his casket and headstone with my mom and placing family photos in his suit jacket before he was lowered into the ground.

Those aren’t the only things I remember about my father, though. I remember his smile, especially after I’d caught a bass. I remember his cowboy boots and the way he smelled of Stetson and old leather. I remember his encouragement and how he pushed me, even when I was just a kid.

No matter who you are, or how you feel about your dad, spend time with him this Sunday. Because you’ll never know how great of a man he actually is until he’s gone.

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