I love everything about my girlfriend, but our sex life is terrible and doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Is this shallow? What do I do? Zach, junior

Carly: If it’s not getting better, it won’t get better. Sex isn’t the most important factor in a relationship, but it’s up there. If one partner is unhappy with the sex, then their unhappiness will carry over into the rest of the relationship. It sounds as if you’ve tried to make some improvements in your sex life without any satisfactory results. Lack of sex or bad sex is a common reason for couples to split.

I hate to sound shallow, but it might be in your, and her, best interests to move on and find someone that you have better sexual chemistry with. If you dread the prospect of having sex with your girlfriend because it’s not good, then you’re going to lose that physical chemistry. Once that’s gone, I really don’t see the difference between a couple and a couple of close friends. You need physical intimacy, and you need to be happy with it.

Elliot: I agree with Carly that physical intimacy is of the utmost importance. You’re not being shallow. But from your question, it’s hard to tell how much effort either of you have put into trying to make things better. Of course your sex life won’t simply get better just because you want it to. You need to work at it. Communicate your wants and needs with her… all of them.

Try new things. Who knows, you might end up finding a fetish that brings you two closer together than ever. And after that, after you’ve tried everything to make your sex life better, you both need to ask yourselves how crucial that part of your relationship is. If each of you can live with the unsatisfactory sex life and still be part of a meaningful relationship, then more power to you. You (and no one else) can decide where your relationship’s breaking point is.

I really like my best friend’s girlfriend. I know he cheats on her and lies to her all the time. Do I stay loyal to my friend or do I tell his girlfriend what’s going on? Dan, senior

Carly: This isn’t a matter of being a friend or being this girl’s hero—it’s a matter of staying out of their business. There are a few things you need to consider. First, think about the possibility that she may be dishonest, too. Your feelings for this girl may cloud your judgment of her. You may not really know her that well or know what she does when she’s not with your friend.

Second, you’re being kind of selfish. I know that sounds odd because you’re revealing your friend’s dishonesty, but how concerned would you be if you weren’t attracted to this girl? You might give your friend a hard time about what he’s doing every once in a while, but your intentions aren’t 100 percent in her favor. Finally, hearing the news from one of his buddies won’t give her any incentive to run into your arms. This could easily backfire on you.

Elliot: Carly’s right. You’ve got an agenda. That’s fine, everyone does. Yours is simple: You want this girl to fall for you. But you need to know that no matter how much you can claim you’re only looking out for her best interests, the fact that you want her factors into your decision. It taints your decision no matter what.

And there’s no way that I see this ending well for you. Even if you convince yourself that telling her is the right decision, she’d probably be so upset by the revelation that she’d associate with you directly. Her first question would likely be, “How long have you known?” And then, you’re toast. On top of that, how many of your friends are you going to anger by turning on your buddy? Odds are there are a lot of them. Like Carly said, your best bet is to stay quiet.