I hooked up with someone over the weekend who did stuff during sex that I didn’t like. How are you supposed to tell someone that you don’t know that well what you’re comfortable with? Katie, freshman

Elliot: Especially when it comes to issues of physical intimacy, dealing out criticism can get a bit dicey. I mean, really, who wants to hear they’re doing anything wrong? So instead of being critical and negative about what you don’t like, point out things you do enjoy and get his mind headed in a different direction.

However, seeing as how you mentioned that this is a random hookup, I think you’re going to have to force yourself to be more direct. If you’re going to be dating someone, taking more time and care to be constructively critical makes sense. But if you’re going to go out and look for different guys to sleep with all the time, you’ve got to get your courage up to speak your mind.

Carly: In an ideal situation, I think Elliot’s advice would work just fine. But this isn’t an ideal situation—this is a random hookup. It’s hard to stop in the heat of the moment and say, “I don’t like that. I like this instead,” and then proceed with your list of turn-ons. It’s even more awkward to bring it up before anything even starts to happen. Instead, stick with the cliché of “actions speak louder than words.” If he’s doing something that you don’t like, stop him and take some control of the situation.

You don’t have time for a heart-to-heart. By doing this, you’re still being honest and direct, but you’re getting something accomplished. He’ll pick up on what you like a lot faster than if you had said something to him. If he’s not getting the hint, you have every right to stop. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both people involved.

I was hanging out with a few friends of mine (a couple) and they invited a friend of theirs over. After a while, I realized they were trying to set me up with him. But I only figured it out after I agreed to have coffee with him. I’m not interested in him at all. How do I proceed? Lucy, junior

Elliot: Once again, honesty is the best policy here. Not clicking with someone your friends tried to set you up with isn’t your fault. After all, you had no idea you were supposed to make that kind of impression in the first place. And, on top of that, your friends have no right to get huffy with you. They shouldn’t have kept you in the dark. So as far as I’m concerned, you’re in the clear.

Get coffee with him and let him know the deal. That way, you can point out that you like him enough to hang out, but you’ll avoid the awkwardness of any further advances. And you avoid blame because you didn’t put yourself (or him) in that situation. After the coffee date, I’d sit down with your other buds and point out that you don’t like being matched up without your knowledge. I mean, honestly, it puts you in such a discomfited position. That’s simply not fair.

Carly: I think you should put your friends in an equally uncomfortable position and have them deliver the bad news to this guy. It was their idea to set you up with him; it should be their responsibility to admit to him that their stupid plan failed. I don’t think you have any obligation to this guy at all. They’re the ones who gave him false hopes of being set up on a blind date.

It’s extremely rude of them to assume that you would be okay with their plan without mentioning it to you beforehand. Now you feel like a bad person because you made a commitment under false pretenses. Also, make sure you tell your friends to stop playing matchmaker. I get so annoyed with couples who want their friends to partner off so that they can form their little couple-groups and do ridiculous couple-stuff. They need to back off.