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It’s no secret that money is tight these days. Ever since Bernie Madoff stole AIG and Citibank in order to burst the housing bubble, it seems as though nobody has the financial means to do anything fun these days. Just last week, I had to cut collector plates out of my budget entirely. That is a shame, because the 15th anniversary of the release of “D2: The Mighty Ducks” is coming up, and I won’t be able to commemorate it in the manner such a film deserves: with a colorful 10-piece set of china dishes.

The point is, in this economy, we can’t afford to be happy. And with spring break right around the corner, vacation options are slimmer than ever.

Last year, as the economy started to collapse, TV pundits popularized the term “staycation.” A staycation is kind of like a vacation, except without any of the elements that make a vacation enjoyable. The idea is that you can stay at home or in your hometown and still have “fun” without having to spend too much money.

But that was 2008, and those halcyon days are long gone. Now that we’re approaching Thunderdome, even staycations are too costly for the average citizen. You can’t play backyard badminton or peruse the local art museum without some industry or another begging you for billions of dollars. The other day I had to tell some General Motors guys I had given my last billion to a street musician on Mass. I felt bad as they slinked away, but that guy played a mean pan flute and deserved every penny.

Anyway, I have come up with a surrogate answer to that alternative solution. It’s called the “imagication,” and it’s easy: All you need to do is find a quiet room, close your eyes and let your imagination take you where you want to go. I see imagications as the wave of the future, a perfect way to do whatever you want without paying any money at all. Until the imaginary economy collapses, too, that is.

I’ve scouted some of the best imagication destinations and put together this handy imagitravel guide for you to use this spring break:

n New York City — In many ways, Imaginary New York City is even better than the real thing: There are no muggers, and you can avoid public transportation by acquiring the ability to fly.

n The beach — On the imaginary beach, everybody is attractive, including you! Don’t be surprised if some hottie asks you to go on a magical dolphin ride. That sort of thing happens all the time there.

n The sun — The beach isn’t hot enough for you? Then take a trip to the sun, where it’s always 10,000 degrees and sunny. And unlike in reality, you won’t instantly perish if you get a few million miles too close, which would definitely put a damper on your holiday.

n Segway tours — Real-life Segway tours are boring and lame, but in your imagination, you can crank that baby up to 6 mph and not be silently mocked by those around you for riding a Segway!

n Imagistaycations — If you don’t have a strong enough imagination for a good imagication, you can always try and imagine what it would be like to stay at home. “Whoa, I don’t have a desk lamp like that in real life! Crazy!”

— Nichols is an Overland Park sophomore in creative writing.

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