A guy and a girl eye each other at a bar. He’s with a group of his guy friends, but ventures away. He walks up to her, asks her name, touches her back, and starts a conversation. Then she does something unusual. She takes her shiny brown hair out of the elastic band and flips it from side to side. Is she interested? She is. The night is over, and he leaves her. She’s left puzzled because she thought they hit it off.

How many times have you thought someone was attracted to you, but then second-guessed yourself because you didn’t know if the signals were right? You questioned whether you should respond with interest. When that guy at the bar bought you a drink, or that girl at the bus stop talked to you, were they really interested, or just being friendly? Is that guy in class going to ask you out, or are you imagining he is interested?

Understanding the language of desire does not have to be complicated. You just need to know what signals to look for. This can save you the aggravation and confusion that comes from misreading other people’s cues.

Flipping your hair, making eye contact, and touching someone’s arm are more than just movements—they’re part of your non-verbal communication.

When trying to detect whether someone is attracted to another person, Mike Anderson, host of KJHK’s Kansas In Heat, a radio talk show that focuses on relationships, says men need more help than women. Men tend to perceive the slightest signal or display of interest to be cues of sexual attraction, Anderson says. Men have a tendency to overanalyze encounters with women, making the potential signals even more confusing.

When it comes to understanding women, Tanner Tolbert, Kansas City senior, says they are hard to figure out. He says a woman’s eye contact seems to signal “I’m interested.” But he says he can’t always tell for sure. “Girls are wack,” he says.

A Yale and Indiana University study indicates men are more likely than women to confuse friendly signals with sexual ones, and sexual ones with friendly ones.

In the study, 280 heterosexual men and women were asked to organize photos of women into four categories: friendly, sexually interested, sad or rejecting.

Of the men who viewed the images of friendly women, 12 percent mistakenly labeled those images as sexually interested. Women got it wrong 8.7 percent of the time.

Here are some cues to help you decipher what somebody of the opposite sex is trying to tell you with their body language.

Non-verbals that women use

Hair flipping: This can be a big sign of interest, Anderson says, but it’s important to pay attention to what signals are given beforehand, because a woman may be flipping her hair out of habit.

The foot dangle: If a woman has her legs crossed and has slipped her heal out of her shoe, letting the shoe dangle on her toes, she’s interested, Anderson says.

Non-verbals that men use

Preening: Loosening a tie, collar or shirt sleeve while talking is a dead giveaway of interest, Anderson says. This signals men’s effort to look their best for women they are engaging with.

The jewelry heist: If a guy asks about jewelry a woman is wearing, he’s interested. “Especially if he uses the line, ‘I bet there is a story behind that ring/necklace/bracelet you are wearing,’” Anderson says.

The eyes have it all

The eyes have a body language of their own. Rich Nicastro, author of ABC’s of Effective Communication, says if you want to tell somebody you’re interested, make eye contact. But it’s not just eye contact that’s telling—it’s what people do with their eyes.

“Someone with very strong eye contact with their eyes narrowed is showing interest,” Anderson says. Holding strong eye contact for a few moments, with a smile, shows your interest, but reciprocating is important.

When meeting a guy, Shannon Bridger-Riley, of Lawrence, says, “He needs to be able to make eye contact, and actually interact.”

Anderson references body language expert R. Don Steele, saying he believes if a woman looks down right before she looks away, she is showing interest.

“Breaking eye contact and hunching over signals the message that you don’t find the other person interesting,” Nicastro says.

Eye contact, and the way you present yourself have a powerful effect. And you actually can and should learn to control your body language if you don’t want to send mixed signals, Nicastro says.

Learning to use correct signals helps you accurately read other people you’re interested in.

Nicastro says you do have control over your overt, explicit body language, such as sustaining eye contact, smiling and nodding your head while interacting.

Often men and women think they are giving off one particular type of impression, but others may have a totally different interpretation of that message.

To correct this, Nicastro says, “People need to rehearse to make sure their body language is congruent with the goal of their message.”

He encourages people to pretend they are having a conversation in the mirror or on tape, and notice what they do with their bodies, arms and hands.