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Professor: You can tell your daddy, 'The more skin showing, the better.'

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Guy 1: What's the difference between a blue book and a green book?

Guy 2: Green books are for people with a guilty conscience.

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Girl: It was so weird — I walked into this party and she was there. I was like, 'Hey, Mom. What's up?'

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Professor: The moonlight is the reflection of the sun.

Girl: And that's exactly why vampires aren't real.

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Guy (shouting): I've always wanted a car made of gold!

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Professor: If I seem a little loopy today, it's the drugs.

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Girl: Oh my god! You got your hair blonded!

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