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Morning Brew: Hated teams win titles

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By Max Rothman

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Let’s get the hard part over with first. The Yankees are world champions (quietly muttered at a Usain Bolt pace).

So are the Lakers. And the North Carolina Tar Heels. All at the same time.

For as many die-hard fans as there are for each of these teams, there are just as many (if not more) people that hate ‘em. They hate everything about them.

They hate that the Yankees opened up their wallet and found a World Series championship inside.

They hate Kobe’s “more full of himself than you can believe” look that is painted across his face after every swished jump shot.

They hate the fact that Tyler Hansbrough is an unathletic schlub with no true position, yet is still drafted early in the first round of the NBA Draft and is even mentioned amongst Tar Heel legends like James Worthy, Rasheed Wallace, Vince Carter and that guy they called Mike.

You thought our current financial situation, the closest reenactment to the Great Depression was hard enough on morale, didn’t you? Dealing with these three champions is like sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner, but the table is circled by the spawns of Satan and all they are munching on is the souls of the weak and impoverished. So much for an appetite.

Times are hard, no doubt about that. In the meantime, the responsibility to make this situation right lies in the hands of the good-hearted fans out there. If Ed Davis is ever shooting two within your proximity, wave your arms with extra effort. When the Yankees visit Kaufmann Stadium next year, get that extra jeer for Jeter out, even if you thought it was a bit too offensive. (A personal Beantown-bred favorite: “Jeter drinks wine coolers!”)

Normalcy, in the form of a Kansas title or any other warm-souled champion, will return soon enough. Until that happens, target these three repeat-hungry teams like a bull attacks red.

Xavier Henry is not the only X-factor in preventing another North Carolina title. The fans are the key to making this trilogy of doom never happen again.

Music from the vaults

Is it a convoluted 31-part mess or an eloquent sketch of soul and passion from a Motown revivalist? The late J Dilla’s “Donuts” is probably both, founding perhaps the finest hip-hop sampling that the instrumental wave has ever landed.

“The Diff’rence” is a two minute showcase of Dilla’s Stevie Wonder-like skills on the keys, banging before booming horns and loops from Kool & the Gang’s “The Fruitman.”

“Mash” is the real banger on the record, introduced as: “Now you are going to dance like you’ve never danced before,” then abruptly morphing into the hardest hip-hop beat you’ll hear on the album. In traditional Donuts fashion, the concluding noggin bouncer is only about 12 seconds long.

“Time: Donuts of the Heart” is the baby-maker of the epic. After a minute of sweet serenading, Dilla slows it down and rattles vibrations through the hearts of women (and crate diggers) worldwide.

“One Eleven” is a sugar sweet symphonic cry of lightly brushing soul samples cooing “awww yeahhh” and “ooohh ooohh” that will turn your hips into a gyroscope.

“Don’t Cry” best exemplifies Dilla’s ability to take a raw sample, cut it up to perfection and throw in his own gorgeous melodies to optimize the sound.

Detroit’s greatest beat-junkie crafted Donuts in a hospital bed and released it on his 32nd birthday. He died in that same bed three days later, suffering from a rare blood disease called thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura.

— Edited by Tim Burgess

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