Thursday, November 12, 2009
Q. I heard from a friend that you say on your show that pornography is bad to watch. What is so bad about it?
A. Pornography, in my mind, is both good and bad. While there is some good pornography out there that doesn’t use violence and depicts great sex, most doesn’t.
Any pornography depicting violence towards women should not be watched for a multitude of reasons.
Also, I don’t like people watching a lot of pornography because it depicts bad sex. It gets us into bad habits. Many sexual experts agree that because of editing and direction, pornography displays a world where the sex is unrealistic, not to mention that most pornography depicts sex that is extremely fast and hard, and only focuses on a few parts of the body.
As I’ve said before in this column, really great sex involves total body sensuality. It involves using the whole body and slowing down. Psychologist and author Dennis Sugrue at marvels how so many men “don’t understand that pornography presents a fantasy world, a Neverland that’s very different from the real world people live in.”
My absolute favorite quote about pornography comes from sexual expert Dr. Michael Castlemen. In his book Great Sex, Castleman says, “Pornography is bad for sex. Very bad. It causes or contributes to all of men’s major sex problems: hang-ups about penis size, involuntary ejaculation, erection impairment and ejaculatory difficulties. It also completely misrepresents how women become sexually aroused and experience erotic fulfillment. Pornography is like the chase scenes in action movies — exciting and fun to watch, but definitely not the way to drive.”
The last thing you want to do in your sexual life is to get into bad habits. Instead of the 100-mile-per-hour sex that you see in these movies, slow down, understand your and your partner’s sexuality and enjoy leisurely and playful total body sensuality.
That said, I do believe that some pornography can be a good thing. The key word there is “some.” Though I don’t think watching violent pornography or using pornography as a how-to tool is good, I do think watching pornography to get you and your partner in the mood can be positive. For some, it is a huge turn-on to watch erotic videos, and for others it gives new ideas for different positions to try or different fantasies to act out.
Studies have shown that close to 100 percent of men get aroused watching pornographic material, and 80 percent of women get aroused watching this material as well. So turning to one of the premium channels late at night to watch Erotic Confessions 7 is not always a bad idea to get the two of you in the mood.
I’ve also heard that a new type of pornography with women directors does a great job of depicting sex that more accurately shows how women become aroused and sexually fulfilled. That might be worth looking into.
In summary, I think pornography can be good, but it depends on what kind of pornography it is and how you use it. As Dirk Diggler says in Boogie Nights, “It’s not just about how to get a girl off; it’s about how to get your life off.”
If you have a question you’d like answered in the Kansas in Heat print edition, please e-mail it to kansasinheat@yahoo.com.
Kansas in heat- Total body sensuality
Jayplay relationship advice.
Kansas in heat- Total body sensuality
Jayplay relationship advice.
Kansas in Heat: No more bad advice
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson gives his plan to tackle the sticky world ...
Professor to preach on porn
Tonight’s lecture will address how pornography affects relationships.
Kansas in heat: rekindling the flame
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice.
Kansas in heat: getting fit for sex
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice.
Exposed
My boyfriend during freshman year had 100 gigabytes of pornography on his ...
Kansas in heat: Intimate jams
Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
Kansas in heat: Braving new grounds
Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
Sexy spots
Safe sex not as prevalent as health ...
Survey shows high rate of unprotected sexual activity among college-aged people.
Kansas in Heat (online version): Discover Thai ...
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one ...
Sexually (inter)Active: Guide to year-round satisfaction
Our panelists discuss how to keep relationships passionate throughout the year.
Kansas in Heat: Dare to have intense ...
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one ...
Faking it lets women live up to ...
Women discuss their secrets to faking an orgasm.
Kansas in Heat: Stress and sex
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice.
Who's not having it
Many students choose to remain abstinent for differing reasons.
Kansas in heat: Finding the truth about ...
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice.
Overcoming sexual taboo
How couples deal with fetishes
Swingers
Cyndi walks in the front door of a very familiar home. Her ...
Society screwing with sexuality
As advertising constantly bombards people with sex, religion and government laws try ...
Bledowski: No need for masturbation taboo
Let's Talk About Sex talks about the health benefits of solo sex.
Kansas in heat: Get some satisfaction
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one ...
The pheromone phenomenon
Using a sixth sense to smell a lover.
Matney: Cyber cheating just as bad as ...
Weiner exposes the world of cheating social media morons.
Green It!
eco-friendly sex
Kansas in heat: Clean oral sex
Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
Castle: Really gay advice...for really straight guys
Straight men should be more conscious with homophobic remarks.
Bledowski: Oh America, how you love porn
Although still touted as taboo, porn undeniably plays a big role in ...
Kansas in heat: Oral sex
Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
The Hookup with Michelle MacBain
Tackling the sticky world of relationships.
Christian mother vocalizes her joy of sex.
Devoted mother shares her joys of sex and gives tips on how ...
Thornbrugh: If a tree falls in a ...
Sexual healing
Sex isn’t just about the finish, it can also have many long-term ...
Bledowski: Getting that high, but later
It may not seem as controversial, but there is still a lot ...
Coming to a pole near you
Pole dancing has recently moved in a different direction. Seen as a ...
A little libido goes a long way
Everybody has sexual desires, but how do you handle them? Sex therapist ...
Does your sexual health affect your relationship?
Get smart before and after you get busy.
Kansas in Heat: Shy in the Bedroom
Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
Better options for bad situations: Spice up ...
If you’re going to do it, be smart.
Kansas Jayhawk fans hold aloft a reproduction of ...
2 comments
Erin Saupe, a Ph.D. student from St. Cloud, ...
1 comment
0 comments
Armed robbers continue to threaten.
3 comments
Lecture from Greg Mortenson, co-author of New York ...
0 comments
KUnited presidential candidate Libby Johnson and vice presidential ...
1 comment
Comments
Use the comment form below to begin a discussion about this content.
Sign in to comment
Or login with:
OpenID