Girl 1: Did you hear me calling your name from the bathroom?

Girl 2: No, sorry. I went to grab some lunch while you were gone.

Girl 1: I really needed you. I was peeing and a bee stung me in the vagina.

Girl 1: Hooded sweatshirts make people look so fat.

Girl 2: Yeah, or pregnant.

Girl 1: True, and I would much rather be pregnant than fat.

Girl 1: Yeah, growing up, I was involved in 4H.

Girl 2: Don’t lie. We all know that you litter all the time.

Professor (addressing the class): If I walk through the Campanile, will all of you fail?

Guy: Originally I’m from the Netherlands.

Girl: Wow, I have always wanted to visit Neverland.

Girl 1: Yeah, I work at Planned Parenthood. If you ever need anything I’ll get you a discount.

Girl 2: So, like a buy two, get one free deal?

Guy 1: I had a rough night. I kept getting my fingers stuck in the holes, and I couldn’t control the ball.

Guy 2: What the hell?

Guy 1: Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention I was bowling.