Guy (on phone): It’s kind of a big deal, you can have all the hamburgers you want at the tailgate, oh and wine.

—

Guy: Hey, how are you?

Girl: Kinda cool.

Guy: Cool as in hip?

Girl: No, just cold.

—

Guy 1 (offers girl a seat on the bus)

Guy 2: Man, you’re such a gentleman.

Guy 1: Shut the fuck up.

—

Guy: You look like Little Red Riding Hood.

Girl: What?

Guy: I meant that in the best way possible.

Girl: Like hot Little Red Riding Hood?

—

Girl 1: Get that one.

Girl 2: I do not want a bedazzled sweatshirt, that’s just tacky.

—

Guy 1 (on phone): Dude, it’s a Jewish frat, they’re not going to offer any bids to Asians.

—

Guy 1: I lived in the middle of the Johnson County bubble in suburbia.

Guy 2: What’d you do for fun?

Guy 1: We would drink or smoke or do something illegal. Or hang out in the Hyvee parking lot.

—

Girl 1: Did you talk to me this morning?

Girl 2: No.

Girl 1: Oh I had a dream that you did, and now I’m mad it didn’t happen.

—

Girl: City girls are like country girls with better clothes.