Girl: That makes me so excited I saw Cole Aldrich. I didn’t really see him, I just saw his butt.

Guy: That’s all that really counts.

Girl: Sherron Collins almost ran me over, so I kinda met him, too.

—

Guy: My family is so redneck, I have an uncle named Bubba. That’s his legit name.

—

Girl: He’s so hot. Maybe I’ll see him naked! But he has, like, nothing going on up there, you know?

—

Guy 1: What are you going to do tonight?

Guy 2: Study for o-chem and then maybe swing dance. Who knows?

—

Girl 1: I had to go home because I had a meeting this morning.

Girl 2: With who?

Girl 1: My probation officer.

—

Girl 1: I don’t really get that hungover lately.

Girl 2: It’s because you’re always drunk.

—

Guy 1: I saw a guy get Tazered and the cop took his alcohol.

Guy 2: Really?

Guy 1: Well, it was a rent-a-cop kind of thing.

—

Girl 1: It’s not the Red Cross it’s the Community Blood Center.

Girl 2: Yeah, that’s a lot sketchier.