Friday, October 30, 2009
Why should Halloween be the only “sexy” holiday? Halloween, it can be argued, is a holiday we outgrow at about the age of13. Of course, if that were true, we would never reach an age when women could wear risqué costumes such as the sexy surgeon or the sexy veterinarian. For much of the fairer sex, Halloween is little more than an excuse to dress a little less fair.
For much of the other sex, it’s an excuse to dress like an ass. And really, is there a problem with that? So some think it’s a little crude and demeaning, at least Halloween is a sexually “liberating” holiday.
So if Halloween is a holiday of deep feminist expressionism, then shouldn’t the younger generation be able to join in? Plenty of costume stores are willing to help achieve this goal.
An online store will happily sell a costume to 8 year olds called the “Convict Cutie” (use your imagination ... or maybe don’t, actually, please don’t), while Sears sells a lacey and leathery “Devil Grrrl” for the pre-teen set.
If anyone is insane enough to think this still hasn’t gone too far already, be happy you live in America, where (one day a year) we have the freedom to take sexual liberation to the edge, push uncomfortably past all that is decent and head straight into sexual holiday absurdity. By selling sexy costumes for dogs.
As if dressing up animals wasn’t already an affront to some long forgotten god, the Web site Consumerist.com displays a series of costumes such as the “Naughty French Maid” and the “Sexy Queen Bee” designed specially for canines.
Don’t worry if you think you’ll be left out, the series comes with matching human costumes, so both dog and owner can later share in the feeling of shame and regret.
Is there perhaps a reason that once a year that we as Americans jump at the chance to wear sexy Border Patrol and Finding Nemo costumes? (Yes, they really do exist.)
Maybe we’re all just sexually repressed by a culture that happily consumes violent media of every kind and then flips out over a nipple being flashed during the Super Bowl. And if this hypothesis were true, it would mean only one thing: We need more sexual holidays, not fewer.
We could have sexy Thanksgiving, sexy Presidents Day or show some real common sense with sexy Labor Day. At this rate, every day of the year can be a day of sexual release and our culture wouldn’t have to be so puritanical every second of the year. Of course, at least one day of the year would be needed as a day of rest and seclusion from all this sexual freedom, maybe a cold day in winter when most of the population is fed up with romance. Does Feb. 14 sound good?
— Clayton Ashley for The Kansan Editorial Board
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Editorial: A satirical look at Halloween
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