Thursday, September 24, 2009
Contributed photo
Dennis Dailey
Contributed photo
Afton Beebe
Two people. Five questions. See how they stack up.
DENNIS DAILEY, professor emeritus of social welfare, has taught classes on human sexuality that have brought him national attention because of their raw material. He will also be giving multiple presentations at the Ecumenical Christian Ministries this semester.
AFTON BEEBE, Prairie Village senior
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FRIENDSHIP AND A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP OR IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
DENNIS: A healthy romantic relationship will always have a strong friendship element, whereas a healthy friendship is not romantic (real sexual).
AFTON: Friendship seems to be encompassed within a romantic relationship. But friendships do not involve romance. Romance involves some type of attraction or desire.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU THINK ARE THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE TO A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?
DENNIS: There are several things: 1. betrayal; 2. unfair fighting or resolution of disagreements; 3. insecurity that leads to jealousy; and, 4. absence of attraction.
AFTON: Lying is the worst thing you can do in a romantic relationship, or any relationship for that matter. Not only are you being untrustworthy but you are breeding resentment and guilt at the same time — the recipe for breakup.
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
DENNIS: One where individual growth and development and the maintenance of self can occur in the context of a close and intimate relationship.
AFTON: People who are honest with one another, who are kind to one another but still express their opinion. Not many arguments and fun to be around.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GIVING SECOND CHANCES?
DENNIS: In most cases, yes, but third and fourth chances are usually about dependency and not forgiveness.
AFTON: Absolutely not, although I can see where some people would say “it depends on the circumstances.” I have made that mistake a couple of times and giving someone a second chance should be avoided.
WHEN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP ENDS, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO VENT?
DENNIS: Find a trusted friend who will listen and not give advice unless asked. It is good to hear one's own voice being clear about (how) an ending was the right thing to do.
AFTON: I feel like at that point it is important to surround yourself with close friends and family. You can talk about it but don’t talk about it too much. Try to get your mind somewhere else — go work out or read a book.
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Comments
Five questions
Many years ago I was in a singles group at a church in Topeka. Prof. Dailey came and did a talk at our meeting. I was really impressed with everything he said. I had been divorced a few years, and the content of his talk was especially meaningful to me given my situation. After five years I met the most awesome redhead and we have been married over 24 years. If Prof. Dailey isn't aware, it's true that redheads have awesome tempers! I love her, more chances to kiss and make up ya know, lol.
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