Movie review: Jennifer's Body

Thursday, September 24, 2009

At first, the meteoric rise of Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody from ex-stripper to Hollywood’s reigning queen of quirk was fascinating and weirdly gratifying to observe.

Although Juno itself remains an excellent movie, its box office success and critical acclaim paved the way for an endless supply of increasingly pallid imitators.

But it turns out the worst Diablo Cody imitator may be Cody herself.

The new teen horror-comedy hodgepodge Jennifer’s Body is based on a screenplay Cody wrote during the same creative apex that spawned Juno.

But Jennifer’s Body is the polar opposite of its distinguished predecessor. It’s a bloody but unmoving bore that never lives up to its entertaining premise, which promised a gonzo-crossbreeding of Mean Girls and The Exorcist.

Seriously, how do you screw up a movie about a cannibalistic cheerleader, especially when said cheerleader is being played by international super-vixen Megan Fox?

The basic setup shows what might have been. The beautiful alpha-bitch Jennifer (Fox) is the most popular girl at Devil’s Kettle High School, constantly surrounded by a harem of frustrated male suitors and attended to at all times by her homely best friend, the aptly named Needy (Amanda Seyfried).

One night, the girls go out for some underage clubbing and Jennifer is kidnapped. After surviving a grueling satanic ritual, she turns into a bloodthirsty she-beast who preys on teenage boys to retain her youth and beauty.

Now Needy faces a difficult choice: Should she kill her best friend or allow her to continue on her rampage?

If Megan Fox has a repressed inner thespian, it’s the only part of her that’s she’s kept well concealed. She’s as flat and emotionless here as she was in that god-awful Transformers sequel. Even the best eye candy goes sour eventually.

Amanda Seyfried fares a bit better as Needy, the only character Cody’s muddled script seems to lavish any attention on.

I didn’t go to Jennifer’s Body expecting another Juno. But I was expecting to see a movie of some kind, not the autopsy of a once-promising career.

One and a half stars

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