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Karianne Howard was 14 when she told her parents she was bisexual.

She told her mother first — they were really close. Her dad was less predictable. Karianne said she didn’t really know how he felt about anything because he was quiet man who didn’t share his views, She had her mom there for support when she finally told him.

“When I told him and he saw that I was really worried about telling him, he just cheered up and said ‘Well, I’m really glad that you told me. You’re still the same person and I love you all the same.’”

Because of the support from her parents, Howard considers herself lucky. Growing up in Tucson, Ariz., her coming out process was relatively painless. Except for a few of her religious friends, she found that most people were accepting.

As she grew older, Howard faced struggles of a different kind. Being bisexual had its consequences, and not just from the straight community but from some gay men and lesbians, as well. As Howard was exposed to more people in the gay and lesbian community, she began to see there was a negative connotation to bisexuality that was separate from being gay or lesbian.

Rachel Gadd-Nelson, Kansas City, Kan., junior and Educational Outreach Coordinator for Queers and Allies, said the stigma about bisexuality was born out of ignorance and a general lack of understanding from both gay and straight communities.

“A lot of people can understand gay and lesbian a lot better than they can wrap their mind around bisexuality,” she said. “Even in the gay and lesbian community, there’s still a lot of misconception, and maybe even stereotyping, for bisexual people and for transgender people.”

College Acceptance

Howard came to the University for academics, without any regard for its level of acceptance of her sexual identity. For the most part, her first impression was positive. She was introduced to many gay and lesbian people on campus and became involved with Queers and Allies, an organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people and supporters.

The stigma, however, still had an effect on some of her relationships. After one lesbian friend learned Howard was bisexual, Howard never heard from her again.

“I was definitely surprised,” Howard said. “Especially within the gay community, if you can sense the fact that you’re a minority, you feel like you should be helping or be supportive of other people in the minority.”

Dennis Dailey, professor emeritus in social welfare, taught human sexuality courses at the University for more than 25 years before his retirement. He said the bisexuality stigma had a political undertone.

“There’s politics in that, for example, bisexuality complicates the political agenda of gays and lesbians, and bisexuality pollutes the political intention of those who think heterosexuality is the only thing on the planet,” Dailey said.

Lori Messinger, associate professor at the school of social welfare, recently published an article about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people on university campuses. She said much of the negativity came from some people’s assumption that bisexuals were “gay cop-outs.”

Messinger said older gay or lesbian people she knew were insecure dating bisexual people. Because being gay or lesbian was difficult, they were often fearful of their bisexual partners leaving them to be in a heterosexual relationship, a considerably easier path to take, she said.

Godd-Nelson said this suspicion was prevalent in younger gay and lesbian people, as well.

“It’s seen as you’re not willing to come all the way out of the closet. You’re just putting your foot out,” she said.

‘Great group in the middle’

Monica Soto, Kansas City, Kan., senior and public relations manager for Queers and Allies, said disapproval for bisexuality often stemmed from it being viewed as a choice that didn’t really exist as a sexual orientation. Soto said she disagreed with this idea because though she and other lesbians had used bisexuality as a transition, others had stayed consistent with their bisexuality over time.

“Some bisexuals show a preference in one of the genders, but most of the time, at least from what I’ve seen, they still stand firm in their bisexuality regardless of a preference,” she said. They aren’t choosing bisexuality, Soto said. It’s how they are.

Howard has encountered a number of myths about bisexuality, one being that a bisexual individual will date a guy and a girl at the same time out of need or desire for both. Howard said she did date both genders, but never at the same time. Infidelity was infidelity, she said, no matter the sexual orientation.

Messinger said she thought bisexuality had a broader definition, overall. She said that younger girls tended to be extremely affectionate with each other — braiding hair, touching and leaning on each other, for example. She said although this was not necessarily a “lesbian thing,” it showed that women had found a way to be close to each other while, perhaps, still having a sexual connection to men.

“Sexuality is really this multi-faceted thing that has to do with your emotions, intimacy, sexuality and friendship, and all of these things are connected,” she said. “I think we’re all a little more bisexual than we think we are. But we think it’s all about sex and not these other aspects of it. If we could think more broadly, we wouldn’t be so hung up about it.”

Dailey referred to bisexuality as the “great group in the middle.” He said society didn’t have an understanding of sexual orientation in general, including bisexuality.

“What we know is that how human beings are in the world erotically is an extraordinarily complex and an extraordinarily fluid issue, and it doesn’t always conform to the political, social, religious expectations of the culture in which it exists,” he said.

Approximately 2 percent of the population, or 6.1 million people, is known to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual in the United States, according to the National Health and Social Life survey. Some other recent studies have tried to shed light on the topic. In January 2008, the American Psychological Association published a study that suggested bisexuality was a distinct sexual orientation for women, instead of just a transitional phase. Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Utah, conducted the study with 79 women during a 10-year period. Though this study focused on women, it was in reaction to a study published in Psychological Science in 2007 that claimed men do not have bisexual attraction.

Dailey said the findings of this study were true only to an extent. Diamond’s conclusion that there was a larger group of bisexual women than bisexual men was missing an important element that would influence these results: the social pressure on men to be straight.Dailey said he thought society had sexist tendencies and held men to a different standard than women.

“What women do, who they sleep with, it’s basically like ‘whatever,’” Dailey said. “What men do, how they name themselves in the world, what choices they make — these are extremely important to everybody. So men who do things that are more feminine are going to get in trouble.”

Dailey said working in traditionally female occupations, having sex with other men and not being masculine enough were examples of abnormal male behavior by societal standards.

Messinger said she thought women had more sexual freedom than men.

“I think a lot of it is about our society. They’re told that it’s bad and gross and dirty,” she said of men having sex with men. “For women, it’s sometimes seen as gross, but then it can sometimes be seen as sort of titillating and exciting.”

Challenging ignorance

Howard said education and general discourse would be most important for dispelling the myths, assumptions and stigmas about bisexuality.

Both Messinger and Dailey agreed that society’s acceptance of LGBT communities had improved, but Dailey said the change was relatively small. He said, “we delude ourselves if we think there’s been a dramatic change.” He acknowledged that changed attitudes of certain churches and comprehensive sexuality education in some public schools were a step forward but were still achievements of a small scale.

“There is something called revolts in small corners,” Daily said. “What I mean by that is there are some areas, some families, some social situations in which the change has been rather dramatic.”

For the time being, Howard must deal with the concerns of her mother, who, after reading about the legislation of gay rights and learning of the struggles faced by the LGBT community, is expressing her own opinion on the matter.

“She gets more and more worried about me and my safety and happiness, and so there have been some comments where, if I break up with a girl, she’s like: ‘You should date guys now. You should be normal,’” Daily said.

“No, that’s not how it works,” she said she tells her mother. “I’ll date who I want.”

— — Edited by Abbey Strusz

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