Facing the end of a four-and-a-half year relationship, Caroline Howard, Pittsburg junior, felt she needed guidance to help solve problematic issues in her life. Instead of going to her family or friends for help, she wanted to speak to a neutral party who could give her objective advice. For about eight months during her freshman year, Howard saw a therapist.

“Initially I was hesitant because I was afraid of the answers I might hear,” she says. “But I needed a solution. It was hard to speak so openly about some of the most private parts of my life, but I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t get the help that I needed.”

With guidance from her therapist, Howard realized that she needed to end her long-term relationship. “I realized I couldn’t do anything to fix it,” she says. “I also learned to have a healthier outlook on future relationships and not to make the same mistakes.”

Although therapy greatly helps people like Howard deal with issues that seem stressful and overwhelming, there continues to be a notion that therapy doesn’t work or that it’s only for weak people who can’t handle their own problems.

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL STIGMA

Looking back on her initial anxiety about seeing a therapist, Howard wishes she hadn’t been embarrassed to seek treatment. “It’s sad that therapy has such a stigma because it’s really a helpful thing,” she says. “It’s very common to think like this because it’s hard to admit you need help from others. It’s weird because people are comfortable going to get tutoring for classes and learning from books, but not necessarily learning something new about themselves.”

Danya Goodman, a doctoral student in clinical psychology and therapist at the KU Psychological Clinic, says mental health is widely misunderstood. “It’s seen as this big and scary thing, but it’s not,” she says. “One in four people are going to be depressed at some point in their lives. That’s 25 percent the population. So getting therapy can’t be that weird.”

Susan E. Lawrence, M.D, is the founder and executive director of the Catalyst Foundation, a southern California-based nonprofit that focuses on childhood abuse and trauma. She says the world needs to know that there is nothing wrong with getting therapy. “It needs to be promoted that having emotional issues is just another part of the human experience,” she says. “There is nothing shameful about that. Some things we just can’t heal on our own.”

Although the stigma has decreased somewhat through the years, the belief that therapy is a sign of weakness remains. John Wade, licensed psychologist and outreach coordinator at the University’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), says this couldn’t be further from the truth. “It is actually a sign of courage,” he says. “It takes a lot of strength to admit that you need to work on yourself.”

HOW THERAPY HELPS

Students can benefit from therapy because it’s likely to help with academic success, Wade says. Most students drop out of school not because of academia, but because of other emotional issues such as homesickness and problems in relationships or with roommates. Because therapy helps people control their emotions, it can also help students stay in school.

Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, says therapy helps people learn more about themselves, manage their emotions and change behavior. “By overcoming your ‘autophobia,’ fear of yourself, and getting comfortable with your feelings, you can turn them from ugly emotions into useful ones.”

Among the many ways therapy can be beneficial to those who seek it out, Tessina says getting control of your impulses is key to living a balanced life. “When you’re in control of your impulses, you don’t have temper tantrums, drink too much or let your other ‘animal impulses’ take over,” she says. “Learning to manage your feelings and act responsibly will get you more of what you want from life.”

WHEN TO LOOK FOR A THERAPIST

People go to therapy for many different reasons. Whether it’s because of problems with anxiety, anger or relationships, seeking the help of a therapist is a positive step toward improving yourself and feeling better. For me, anxiety was my motivation to see a therapist.

As a child, I was always the kid who cried when my parents left. When I went to camp in grade school I would spend most of my time with the nurse begging her to let me go home. After years of my parents picking me up in the middle of the night at sleepovers, I began to compare myself to other kids who seemed perfectly happy in their lives, acting independently and having fun. I thought something was wrong with me. After dealing with years of separation anxiety, my parents and I decided it was time for me to go see a therapist when I was 14.

It’s been seven years since I began seeing my therapist and I have built an open and truthful relationship with her. I have gone through times when everything is good and I don’t see her as much. But in the times when my life has been overwhelmingly difficult, she has been instrumental in helping me work through my problems.

Issues that frequently cause students to see a therapist include:

• If you are having trouble adjusting to life in college. For example, you may be overwhelmed by the freedom and independence you have.

• If you are having difficulty managing your time, balancing school and your social life.

• If you are partying more than you go to classes, drinking frequently on weeknights, or becoming sick because of alcohol or drug intake.

• If you have a hostile attitude when you get angry, which sometimes turns into violent behavior.

• If you are having a hard time making friends, avoiding social situations because of nervousness or are having problems with anxiety or panic attacks.

• If you feel sad so frequently that you find yourself sleeping too much or not sleeping enough.

• If you feel pressure about the way you look. If you find yourself not eating enough food, making yourself sick or eating too much.

• If you are having a hard time dealing with family issues such as communication, infidelity, divorce, illness or death.

• If you are in a relationship where you are fighting a lot, dealing with trust issues, sexual issues or break-ups.

• If you are having trouble in your living situation, with roommates or friends.

• If you are having financial issues such as debt, not being able to pay for school or rent.

HOW TO FIND A THERAPIST WHO’S RIGHT FOR YOU

Finding a therapist is easy. “Licensed counselors of every sort exist everywhere, and they can be found in the phone book or online,” Tessina says. “Finding the right counselor is harder, but critically important to your success in counseling.”

The best way to find this person is through people you know. Lawrence says you should get a referral from someone who has benefited under the therapist’s care. Howard found her counselor on recommendation from a family member who had seen him in the past.

You should know several things about a therapist before you see one, Tessina says. Be sure to find out about credentials, expertise, how much it’s going to cost and if the therapist’s office takes your insurance.

If you don’t feel comfortable asking for referrals from other people, go online and research a therapist before making an appointment. Doing research and covering all your bases should leave you feeling confident in the competency and expertise of the therapist you have chosen. But you have to remember, someone who is good for one person might not be a good fit for another. So don’t get discouraged if the first therapist you see doesn’t work out.

Goodman says the relationship between you and your therapist is unique. “It’s a different type of relationship,” she says. “It takes time to build up trust. It’s all about the chemistry between the two of you. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not a big deal. You don’t have to feel bad about it. Your therapist isn’t going to be mad or hurt if you want to see someone else.”

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THERAPY

Initially, your therapist will want to know about your background, your family and what motivated you to seek therapy, Goodman says. During this time, there is no reason for you to be nervous or self-conscious. The therapist is there not to judge you, but to help work out problems. “It doesn’t need to be this huge psychological examination,” Goodman says. “You don’t have to be really depressed to go to therapy. Everyone can benefit from it by exploring and talking about what’s important. It’s a good place to talk things out in a positive and supportive way.”

In addition to the typical individual talk- therapy sessions that most people choose as their preferred method of counseling, there are many diverse techniques and approaches to therapy that are available. Whether it’s through individual or group therapy, Lawrence says the best way to approach your problems is by finding the root cause of your suffering. “It’s excellent if the therapist you see is skilled at getting down to cause of people’s issues,” she says.

KEEPING AN OPEN MIND

Even if you don’t go to therapy, you should realize it can be beneficial for many people.

So keep an open mind about it. It’s entirely possible that we could have less abuse, violence, hatred and sadness in this world if more people were in therapy. Because emotional issues are a normal part of life, therapy will always be a good source for people to address their issues and positively work toward self improvement.