Introduction | Kate's story | Jessica's story | Amanda's story | Jane's story | Closing

For Amanda, 22, the regret of not reporting didn’t surface until years after she was raped. A Lawrence resident and one-time Johnson County Community College student, Amanda was a 15-year-old freshman at Eudora High School when she met Pat, a junior all-star athlete who played football and basketball. She was the cute new girl, and he noticed her. Amanda was forbidden from dating until she was 16, but her parents made an exception in March of her freshman year and allowed Pat to take her to a movie with two other friends.

When he picked her up, the plan had changed. The other couple “couldn’t come,” he explained. After the movie, she heard Pat call his dad and say he would be late getting home. Amanda said he drove her out onto a country road not far from her home, reclined her seat, and got on top of her. She said she tried to push him away, honk the horn, anything to stop him, but he was 6-foot-3 and 200 pounds. She was powerless.

“I was just frozen,” she said. “I felt like I could see myself lying there, but I couldn’t stop anything. I kept asking God, ‘Why is this happening?’”

Amanda said what felt like two hours lasted only 20 minutes. Neither of them spoke when Pat drove her home. Amanda didn’t tell her parents for three months, despite continued questioning from her worried mom, who would tell her, “The sparkle in your eye is gone. You’re not the same.”

“I thought it was my fault and I didn’t want my parents to be disappointed in me,” Amanda said. “My self-worth spiraled downward.”

When she finally told her parents what had happened, they called police immediately to see what their options were, but they had few left. There was no evidence, other than her testimony. Amanda and her parents decided not to continue a futile police investigation.

“He was popular,” Amanda said. “I felt like everyone would believe him and side with him.”

Amanda said she also partially blamed herself for being raped. She even socialized with Pat for a month after he raped her. She said he threatened to kill her and himself if she told, and reminded her in a text message, “No one will ever love you again.” Rumors of the rape spread around school, but Amanda said that, just as quickly, other rumors arose that she was a whore and had led him on. She felt tainted, broken and dirty.

“Of course, now I regret not reporting because I wonder if he did that to other girls,” she said. “Now I’d rather people know and choose to believe me or not. Either way, I know the truth.”

Now, seven years after the assault, Amanda said she could talk about it without crying.

Introduction | Kate's story | Jessica's story | Amanda's story | Jane's story | Closing