GIRL 1: Leave Britney alone!

GIRL 2: My boyfriend thought that was a girl saying that.

GUY: Testicles are just funny.

GIRL: Would it be sad of me to cheer that Taylor Lautner is legal today?

GUY: John Mayer doesn’t care about black people.

INSTRUCTOR: Come on ladies, shake it! Lets test the integrity of our sports bras!

GUY: But I’m not wearing one.

GIRL: I like these days where me and my roommate can sit and be civil to each other.

GIRL 1: How many people did I make out with last night?

GIRL 2: You mean you don’t remember making out with me?

GUY: We will remember this meal forever.

GIRL: Why? Because we ate a bunch of meat and then flossed at the table?

GUY 1: (cough)

GUY 2: What’s up, Swine Flu?

GIRL: You’re the only friend I would go into battle for free food with.

GIRL: I have to go to Pilates today. My boyfriend wants me to be more flexible.

GIRL 1: I really believe that monogamy works really well for some people …

GIRL 2: Holy shit, I’ve got to have this toilet!

GUY: Why does McDonald’s still do music videos for their commercials? Don’t sing about love and chicken nuggets.

GUY: You know what offends me? People who say they’re offended.

GIRL: I’m offended.

GIRL 1: I really want to try human meat someday. But I wouldn’t want to know it’s human until after.

GUY: Why wouldn’t you want to know? I’d want to know.

GIRL 2: I’d try some human.

GIRL 1: Do you know her?

GIRL 2: Yeah. She’s cool. But it always looks like she just drank red Kool-Aid.

GUY: She’s that kid on the playground who always has a Kool-Aid mustache.