One day when she was 12 years old, Christie Jones realized her drug-addicted mother probably wasn’t coming home.

Christie lived alone with her 14-year-old brother. Each day, she said, was full of doubt.

Where will I eat dinner?

How will I take care of myself?

Will my mother ever come home?

“I think we were glad for her to be gone but we were so petrified,” Christie said.

As much as they feared supporting themselves, the kids’ even greater fear was what their mother might do if she ever did return.

About three weeks later, Christie was at home with a friend when her mother walked through the front door in a drug-fueled state. She said something “heinous and horrible” to her daughter and struck her in the face so hard that it made her bleed.

That’s when Christie decided she was no longer going to tolerate her mother’s abuse and neglect. She called her grandmother and asked for her help.

“It was at that moment that I knew I was going to have to determine my own fate,” Christie said. “I said, ‘This is the last time this is going to happen.’”

But it wasn’t true. Christie was eventually forced to move back in with her mother. Two years later her mother left again, but this time she didn’t come back for six weeks. Shortly after her mother returned, Christie was taken into state custody.

When her mother failed to show up for the custody hearing, the state was named Christie’s official guardian. She said she felt relieved knowing she would never have to live with her mother again.

“When that day came, I felt like I finally had freedom from that oppression. From that point on I looked toward the future,” she said.

Christie attended 17 different schools before finally arriving at the University. But with a little help and a lot of perseverance, Christie graduated in May 2009 with degrees in sociology and women’s studies. She now works with the Federal Social Security Administration.

“Even now, I’m focused on where I’m going, not where I’ve been,” Christie said. “No matter how bad you think you have it, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and keep going.”

Luckily, Christie had some help navigating along the way. Kansas is one of the 18 states that offers a college tuition waiver for students who grew up in the foster care system, according to the National Child Welfare Resource Center for Youth Development. This year, 13 students at the University took advantage of the Kansas Foster Care Educational Assistance program, which waives tuition for qualifying students for up to eight semesters at an accredited state college.

“I look back on my life and think, ‘Wow, what an amazing ride’,” Christie said. “Through all the difficulties of being a foster child, it was worth it because it made me who I am today.”

On your own

Everybody remembers the day they moved to college. For Christie and Matt Hudson, that day came in the fall of 2005. Matt, who was placed in the foster system when he was 14, also graduated in 2009.

Moving day is a nervous and exciting experience for any college student, even for those accustomed to fending for themselves. On that day in 2005, after parents finished unloading the vans and said their goodbyes, “typical” students crossed paths with Matt and Christie on the road to independence. And although students who grew up in the foster care system may be “typical” in most ways, there is one big difference: The path they navigate has drastically different road conditions.

“Everyone has stressful weeks and stressful situations,” Christie said. “It just magnifies the stress of anything because you’re doing it with less support and all these other things to worry about.”

Without a traditional family support system, Matt and Christie developed their own families from the friends they met at the University.

“I was able to pick and choose who I trusted ... I don’t have a cure-all person for all my problems, but there’s always someone I know I can go to for almost anything,” Christie said.

Matt and Christie said the pitfall of a custom-made support system was the fear of those worst-case scenarios, the kind that no one thinks can happen to them. In times of serious trouble or trauma, most students can turn to parents. But what if the student is estranged from his or her parents?

“A lot of college kids don’t talk to their parents all the time,” Matt said. ‘But, when things are going bad, that’s when they turn to them for help or support.”

Although his friends make up most of his support system, Matt said he formed relationships with adults he could trust as well.

“Anything that gets in the way of that storybook college experience is tough to talk to your friends about,” Matt said.

Professional parents

Jaymee Metzenthin, the independent living program manager for Kansas SRS: Children and Family Services, said that finding an adult mentor who could partly fill the role of a parent was one of the biggest challenges facing foster youth preparing to live on their own. She said that any reliable adult could fulfill this role, but it was often a foster parent, relative or teacher.

Some independent-living programs and services require mentors. Other foster youth are encouraged to find them on their own.

“The kids that have been the most successful are the ones that have a positive influence in their lives.” Metzenthin said.

Financial problems pose one of the most difficult challenges for foster children in college. Calling up parents to ask for money isn’t an option. Their support system of friends is of little fiscal assistance. And even adult mentors have their limits.

“The most stressful times of my college career were the ones where I had to balance academics and my budget,” Matt said. “And it’s not like no one else might have these situations, but for us there are so many factors that make it different.”

It can be difficult to ask for money from anyone other than family, especially for former foster children who are used to standing on their own. Christie said she felt like she could never really ask for money from her extended relatives, and borrowed no more than $200 during college. Asking her extended relatives for more was pointless because she already knew the answer.

“Rather than my parents asking how much money I needed when I was in trouble, they would sit me down and say, ‘Well, what are you spending your money on and how are we going to trim your budget?’” she said.

And while she probably would have taken a blank check had it been offered, Christie said, she now knows that it was the only way she was going to learn a lesson. “Now, I’m really glad it turned out the way it did,” Christie said. “It made me that much stronger and more responsible.“

Casey Spencer is the independent living coordinator for TFI Family Services, the largest foster care provider in Kansas. Spencer said she always tried to remind foster youth that the state was there to help in a tough financial situation.

“If you don’t have your parents to call when you run out of money, it can be hard to know where to go,” Spencer said. “But we like to tell the kids that they can call us, because we are here for them no matter how unique the situation.”

Besides making herself available to those who are no longer in the system, Spencer also helps younger foster children prepare for the financial challenges they may face when they live on their own.

“Most of these kids’ fear of living on their own revolves around financial needs in one way or another,” Spencer said. “So we like to get them ready for these.”

Spencer organizes group activities and mock budgets to assist the young adults. She said the programs were the only places for them to learn how to do such things as balance a checkbook, build a resume or buy necessary groceries.

“It’s hard to live on your own, until you actually go through it,” Spencer said. “But this type of practice can help.”

Figuring it out

Matt and Christie said that typical college challenges, which other students might take for granted, could be significant obstacles for former foster children.

“It’s the simplest things that you never think about because you were taught so long ago, but we were never taught this stuff,” Matt said. “How do I get a car? How do I get an apartment?”

Matt was lucky to have foster parents willing to co-sign on such commitments for him. Christie usually had to ask her biological grandmother to co-sign, but she said she really only had one other option.

“You basically have two alternatives: either find someone that will co-sign for you or say ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have anyone to ask so please just judge me on my good character.’”

But it’s not just the big things that create complications; it’s the little things too. Where do children of the foster care system go during college breaks? Their foster families have no obligations to welcome them into their family after the child has left. And hanging with a friend’s family can be awkward.

Matt spent holiday breaks with his foster family and Christie with her biological relatives, but each knew of students in other situations who asked to join a friend’s family gathering. McCollum Hall is also open during holiday breaks as an option for students unable to leave the area.

Time management issues can also prove to be especially troubling for foster students, who often must work multiple jobs to support themselves while in college. During her senior year, Christie worked three jobs in addition to the 21 credit hours she was taking at KU. It was tough, she said, but possible with a lot of organization and planning.

“You have to learn to squeeze the most out of every day,” she said.

When it comes to the general academic challenges they faced, Matt and Christie said they thought any former foster child could easily overcome these if they used University resources.

“If you need help, the help is out there,” Matt said. “But you’ve got to reach out for yourself. No one’s going to do it for you.”

Christie said this was often a challenge for students who grew up in foster care, who may feel unable to depend on others or don’t know how to ask for help.

“A lot of these people feel like they can’t trust anyone because they’ve constantly been abandoned and let down over and over again,” Christie said. “So, who can you trust? Where do you go when you have a problem? These are very important things to figure out.”

One University resource is the TRIO program, which serves first-generation, low-income and disabled students. Christie said the program offered free career counseling, academic advising, tutoring and workshops on a number of academic, financial and social topics.

“They taught me about writing a resume, choosing a major, studying abroad, tax prep and filling out the FAFSA,” she said.

Looking back

Now, Christie has steady employment and a fiancé with whom to begin her own family. She said it was easy to look back and have no regrets. However, she stressed that she would never wish her experience on any child.

“Some people will never realize the trauma we’ve gone through,” Christie said. “It’s a tough situation for someone so young and a lot of people underestimate this.”

Christie said she thought foster children who went on to attend college were a rarity, which bothered her very much.

“There’s a lot of money out there for these kids, but I don’t think everyone’s aware of it,” Christie said. “I think every foster child wants to be successful, it just depends on if they find the resources and guidance to get them there.

“I never waited for any of my caseworkers to email me — I tried to be on top of things and ask questions about anything I didn’t understand."

Christie said she hoped her story was proof to young foster children that they could do whatever they put their minds to. Every day, she thinks about her life and reminds herself not to dwell on the past. She thinks about all the struggles: the moving, the hopelessness and the need to feel “normal.” But then she thinks about the road ahead that is her future.

“Even in Lawrence, there were parents that would not let their kids be around me because I was a foster kid,” Christie said. “I look at some of those kids that aren’t very successful now, and I laugh, because I was supposed to be the kid that was blemished.”

— Edited by Katie Blankenau