Thursday, September 2, 2010
Q. My girlfriend loves receiving oral sex and I love giving it to her. However, lately I can’t seem to give her an orgasm with oral sex. I’m using the same moves, but ten minutes produces nothing. What should I be trying?
A. I love your enthusiasm for oral sex, and I’m sure your girlfriend loves it, too. But be careful about the language you are using. You don’t give someone an orgasm — you provide an environment possible for someone to achieve orgasm.
Don’t get down on yourself. My advice is to talk with your partner. Talking about the sex you two are having is a great way to get better at it.
Preferences for oral sex can be very personal. Maybe while you are giving her oral sex, she can give you a running play-by-play about what areas and touches feel good. When you talk about sexual preferences, always focus on the positives. Tell your partner what you like, and let them know when they are giving you pleasure — I mean really let your partner know. Your enthusiasm will be remembered. So instead of saying, “I hate when you do this,” say, “I love how it feels when you do this.” You’d be amazed how talking about sex will often make it better.
There are a variety of factors that can keep someone from having an orgasm. It’s possible that stress from school, work, parents, or anything else could keep your girlfriend from relaxing. You might not be responsible. On the other hand, extra knowledge can’t hurt.
First of all, ten minutes often isn’t enough. Most studies show that the average woman needs around 15 to 20 minutes of oral sex to orgasm. If you are worried about getting tired, find a comfortable spot and relax your muscles. Also, a lot of guys tense up their tongue instead of keeping it wide and loose. This tension often results in you getting fatigued faster.
I also worry about what you are doing when you think your girlfriend is close to climaxing. What I’ve discovered is that guys will often speed up or intensify their strokes or licking when they think the gal is close. This is often the opposite of what you want to do. Keep the sensations the same or even slow down a bit.
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