Students who are living away from their parents for the first time face a tough transition now — only the second full week of the semester — from family member to that college student.

For some, that means liberty from cautious or even overbearing parents. For others, it means a tough time away from the people who have surrounded them since birth.

“It’s nice, but honestly, I miss them,” Olivia DeWitte, a freshman from Luray, said about her parents. “Back home, if I had car problems or needed something, they could come help me. Now, they’re three hours away. It’s kind of a struggle.”

Though others exist, the extreme change to college can be one of life’s most important.

“Any transition in life will affect your well-being, your relationships, and your performance,” said Omri Gillath, assistant professor of psychology. “Especially if you move a long way to college, you will be torn from your social network, away from your family, away from support and love. You’ll have to make new friends, and deal with all the challenges of college.”

The transition isn’t limited to students. Parents can have a difficult time learning to let go and embracing a new relationship with their children.

“You might be able to physically take your student to class, but you can’t make them be engaged in the classroom,” said Jane Tuttle, associate vice provost for student success. “All along we’ve learned you can’t make a baby walk before they want to. That’s a hard lesson for parents to learn.”

Tuttle, who coordinates the parent services program at the University and is a parent of a college student herself, emphasized that every situation – given the variables of family economics, the distance between parents and children, and other factors — is different.

“It’s individual for every family,” she said. “One size does not fit all.”

Tuttle said they update parents with useful information in their monthly newsletter, The information can range from important school dates to suggestions for keeping a good relationship with children.

Tuttle said that, for example, making plans for the holiday vacation can be stressful.

“We tell parents to share their expectations. Don’t expect your student to want to spend all their time with family,” she said. “So if Aunt Ethel’s 90th birthday party is a command performance — do not miss — then you need to tell your student up front: ‘I really expect you there, we need you there, but if you need to be doing other things the other time you’re here, I understand.’”

Tuttle said they have a phone line for parents, 864-5872, and an e-mail address, parents@ku.edu. She said parents will even call when they haven’t heard from their child, asking for help finding them.

“You are no longer able to protect them and be there and do all the things you used to. But they should know if they need anything – forget if you’re going to punish them – you’re going to lend them an ear,” Gillath said. “The huge difference we see in our studies between kids that are adjusting and those that are dropping out of college is whether or not they know that there is someone out there for them.”

Gillath said it’s important to find a healthy balance between autonomy and independence. Students need to be able to make their own decisions, but also to know that their parents support them.

Parents, just like newly independent students, have a hard time making the adjustment.

“One mother was really very concerned this summer about who’s going to make sure that her son got to class,” Tuttle said. “The fact of the matter is that you’ve had him for 18 years, ma’am. If you don’t trust him to get to class, then perhaps he needs to go to a school where he lives at home and you can get him up. Really, only he’s responsible for his choices.”

DeWitte said her relationship with her parents is good. She said she talks with her parents every day, but that they’re not overbearing.

Still, even with supportive parents, making the move to live independently for the first time – particularly in a new town – is challenging.

Sometimes, only time can ease the difficulty.

“I knew the transition was going to be hard, but I don’t know — I want to go home all the time,” DeWitte said. “Once I meet more people, it’ll get better.

— Edited by Sean Tokarz