Tuesday, April 12, 2011
It is spring and that means new shorts, shoes, skirts and heels — every season is an excuse for new footwear.
While I like the idea of shopping, the actual act is something to dread — paying money to spend all day in a mall full of crying kids, texting teenagers and passive-aggressive sales associates. Then you have to try and squeeze yourself into sizes that fit before Christmas, refusing to believe that the extra tray of fudge is now residing on your hips. It’s not exactly what I would call fun. Shopping should be a sport. It combines the strategy of golf, endurance of cross-country skiing and physical toughness of hockey.
To begin with, it’s highly aerobic. You power-walk through miles and miles of stores, many times in uncomfortable shoes (I would like to see the Royals work out in pumps.) You hurdle over dropped clothes and small children to reach the sale section at Macy’s.
And when you’ve finally made your purchase, there’s the eye-contact death sprint to the cashier. It happens oh-so-casually. You make your way to the cash register when you see someone else approaching from the opposite end of the store. You make awkward eye contact as you both quicken your pace. Before you know it, you’re both at the pace of a receiver cutting downfield without actually running (mall walking at its finest)—the intensity heightens and heightens until finally one of you reaches the register a split second before the other. Good shopmanship requires you to passively ask, “Oh, sorry, did I take your spot?” The loser then insists you didn’t, giving you a stare that would freeze the soul of Ray Lewis.
Shopping is a physical workout as well. You scour the store looking for anything that will fit and grab each item. Before you know it you have pounds and pounds of shirts, shoes, and pants — at least until you go to the changing room and the sales assistant gives you a you-had-better-hang-all-of-those-clothes-back-up-or-else-I-will-ninja-stab-you-with-this-coat-hanger kind of look.
And if you’ve ever shopped during Black Friday or within a week of Christmas, the physicality goes to a whole new level. It’s like comparing synchronized swimming to rugby. The store is filled with over-caffeinated, underslept women looking for the best deal. It all starts with a massive huddle at the doors of the mall resembling the start of the New York City Marathon. When the doors open, it’s every man or woman for his or herself.
Victoria’s Secret probably sees the height of the brutality. Women hip-check and box out other women to find the perfect little piece of fabric. There are bins and bins of eye-poking, nail-scratching frenzies to find the perfect bra-panty combo. It’s like the bottom of a football dogpile, but on PMS.
By the end of a day at the mall, you feel sore, tired and downtrodden. Your feet ache and you’re close to tears. Some days you win and you come out with a killer outfit, but other days you come out empty-handed. But it’s OK, because it’s all for the sport of shopping.
Hidden treasures
How the pastime of antique shopping is receiving new street cred from ...
Group resists Black Friday consumerism
Not everyone in malls on Friday will be taking advantage of sales. ...
Businesses strive to make Valentine's Day great
Shopping vintage
A guide to buying fashion from another era.
Don’t dump, donate instead
Local charities and Web site recycle old goods within the community.
Protecting suede and leather shoes
Essential life skill coming at you.
Crocs Craze Comes to KU
Spring Break Countdown
Experts give advice on what to do to prepare for spring break
Eco-Chic
Local artists use old clothing and items found in dumpsters to fashion ...
Play Like a Girl
Women's rugby players kick butt and form friendships
Accelerate your computer
How to shift your computer’s performance into high gear
Antique stores stock unique goods
Shopping is always part of a new school year and students seek ...
Thrifty students can score cash, clothes
Several stores around town offer money and credit for apparel and accessories.
Rap music sales decline
The hip-hop and rap industries are losing fans and sales. Sales dropped ...
A place for all your ‘60s needs
Beyond the Door, 918 Massachusetts St. provides the Lawrence community with items ...
Christmas shoppers come out despite cold weather
Slick roads and temperatures dropping to 16 degrees didn't stop Lawrence residents ...
Businesses, shoppers prepare for Sidewalk Sale
More than 80 downtown businesses are participating, some opening as early as ...
green it! Color your closet green
Smart shopping
Tips on how to save money while surviving seasonal rushes and scams
Jeweler turns simple metals into treasures
Lance Williams wanted to surprise his wife, Amber, with a one-of-a-kind necklace ...
Stay and play
If you’re staying in Lawrence, fall in step on Mass
Local artist converts trash to treasures
Local artist known as Honey Boy creates off-beat art by recycling anything ...
Another night on the pitch
Johnny’s Tavern owner is a big part of the Kansas Jayhawk Rugby ...
From sole to sole
The effects shoes have on your body and health
Single and Sparkling
Back to Basics
The benefits of barefoot running
Local merchants prepare for sidewalk sale
Annual sidewalk sale begins Thursday.
Your Valentine’s Day picks for presents
Perfect gifts for every stage in your relationship
Ours for now
Raising a puppy for service
Downtown events kick off the holiday season
Downtown Lawrence, Inc. hopes performances on Massachusetts street and other festivities will ...
Not-so-common knowledge
Mythbusters - KU style
Get ready to shop at the annual ...
Increased discounts bring flocks of early-bird shoppers to downtown.
True
Halloween costumes show to benefit local charity
The Social Service League, Lawrence’s oldest charity, only receives funding from its ...
Kris Kringle quagmire
The difficulties of giving gifts to the opposite sex and how to ...
A Part of Me
The brace I wore to correct scoliosis was uncomfortable and embarrassing, but ...
KU apparel stores compete in saturated market
With as many as 15 places to buy KU gear in Lawrence, ...
Holiday season continues with Black Friday shopping
Shoppers and retailers alike prepare for Black Friday, the most popular shopping ...
Holidays bring volunteering opportunities
Students can give a little by helping with programs at the Center ...
From left: Kimberlee Hinkle, Libby Johnson and Hannah ...
1 comment
Kansas Jayhawk fans hold aloft a reproduction of ...
2 comments
Erin Saupe, a Ph.D. student from St. Cloud, ...
1 comment
0 comments
Armed robbers continue to threaten.
3 comments
Lecture from Greg Mortenson, co-author of New York ...
0 comments
Comments
Use the comment form below to begin a discussion about this content.
Sign in to comment
Or login with:
OpenID