Kansas in Heat: Moving in Together

By Mike Anderson and Michelle MacBain

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Q. My boyfriend of 18 months says that we should movie into a place together so that we can save money and not have to worry about new roommates. Should I move in with him?

A.It is a bit of a tough call not knowing the situation a little better, but living together is not just a big step, it is a huge step.I know you think you probably know him by now but 18 months isn’t that long. A whole lot of small conflicts can sprout up when you live with someone, and if your relationship is not at a level where it can take those struggles then it might suffer. My worry is that living with your boyfriend will produce more negatives than positives. What are the benefits? Maybe you get to pay less in rent, but you can always get a roommate. So what if you don’t know your roommate? He/she will be a lot easier to split from than a boyfriend.

The life of a college student is stressful enough as it is; you don’t need the stress of living with an ex- boyfriend that you can’t get rid of because you signed a year lease. If he threatens to leave you because you won’t live with him, then I say let him leave. Enjoy the college experience. If you are dead set on living with him then please get the shortest lease you can find. Some might say that the experience of trying to live together might make you a better person and allow you to have a better understanding of what you want in a partner, but you are young. You will be able to figure that stuff out in less painful ways.

Mike Anderson

A.Here’s a story. A 25-year-old, Kim, met a man, Matt. They fell in love and decided to move in together after two years. Financially, the move benefited both, and they were basically living together anyway. Three years pass and Kim and Matt decide to breakup. Both thought the split would be easy - it’s not like they were married. However, this breakup was not only a separation of individuals, it was a separation of things. Kim and Matt fought over everything they bought together for their “home:" a new TV, sofa, dishes, shower curtain, even Christmas decorations. But splitting up the two cats, their “babies” that they adopted while they were in love, was the most painful for the ex-couple. This breakup felt like a divorce.

Do not move in with your significant other until there is a lifelong commitment made to each other! I’m not saying you have to be engaged or married, but you must have an understanding that the person with whom you sign that lease, buy those new household items, or share anything close to babies, will be with you for the rest of your life. Can you be 100% sure of this lifelong commitment after only 18 months? You are young and your life will change considerably in your twenties! Please consider what happened to Kim and Matt, and many other couples, and what could happen to you before you make that commitment to play house with your boyfriend!

Michelle MacBain

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