Cosby: Don't ignore domestic violence issues

I certainly don't want to diminish the experience of any victim of domestic violence. However, as an attorney who has practiced for almost 28 years, including time as a prosecutor, a frequent pro tem judge for the City of Wichita, and a victim advocate when Wichita started its domestic violence program 21 years ago, there are certain observations I wish to make.

First and foremost is the relative infrequency of domestic violence among couples who are actually married. Federal studies have found that only about 1 out of every 6 domestic violence incidents occur between married partners. Ex-spouses and ex-boyfirends/girlfiends account for a portion of the rest, as do siblings, parents/children, etc., but domestic violence occurs at a very disproportionate rate between those who are living together without the benefit of marriage. I would note that domestic violence is disproportionately high among lesbian couples. Homosexual male couples do not seem to experience abnormally high levels of domestic violence.

Second, studies have found that in excess of 2/3 of domestic violence incidents, it is actually the woman that introduces violence. Most men have been taught not to strike a woman, and normally will not do so. However, for many men, if his wife or girlfriend strikes him, he feels justified in hitting her, just as he would if another man hit him. I do not intend to excuse the man -- generally he is much larger and stronger, and with that comes a certain responsibility. More than one man has asked me after I found him guilty of domestic battery, what he was supposed to do when his wife or girlfriend started hitting him. I advised each of them that they could restrain her to the extent necessary for them to get away, but that they could not hit her back. The law only allows that force which is reasonably necessary to repel an attack, not whatever a person wants to do to his or her attacker.

Third and finally, domestic violence against men is an under-reported and largely ignored problem. For the most part, if a woman batters her boyfriend, he hides it because he is ashamed that he got beat up by a girl. Police do not take it seriously, and frequently arrest the man, even though he was the victim. (It is my experience that in those cases, the charges are usually not filed, or if filed, are dropped, but the man still spent the night in jail because too many police officers believe that they have to arrest the man.) There are shelters for women who are victims of abuse. Most places, there are no such shelters for men who victims of abuse. A woman's friends will sympathize with her, if she is the victim of abuse. A man's friends will laugh at him and ask why he cannot handle his wife or girlfriend.

Overall, the statistics say that the best way for a woman to avoid becoming the victim of domestic violence is to avoid cohabitation before marriage and to not hit, strike, kick or otherwise batter her boyfriend or husband.

• Upvote 0
• Posted by jbarrett on October 21, 2011 at 12:51 a.m.
• permalink
• suggest removal

Cosby: Don't ignore domestic violence issues

The article also addresses sexual abuse. I would state that all sexual abuse is absolutely unacceptable and should be harshly punished. However, I would note that some studies have shown that due to our prisons, more men than women are raped in this country. I am by no means soft on crime, and I believe in much harsher conditions in the prisons than are currently allowed to exist. However, it is inexcusable that rapes of prisoners by other prisoners occur at this rate. Still, because most of us do not see this problem, we choose to ignore it

• Upvote 0
• Posted by jbarrett on October 21, 2011 at 12:57 a.m.
• permalink
• suggest removal