Natalie Pennington logged onto Facebook and noticed a recommendation to reconnect with one of her friends. This may seem normal for Facebook users, but this particular friend had passed away.

Although Pennington, a doctoral student from Springfield, Mo., never considered unfriending this person, it’s hard to have Facebook make this suggestion. This situation piqued her interest and led her to wonder how others were doing and dealing; thus her research project on using Facebook to deal with grieving for a loved one began.

Seeing the deceased’s existing Facebook page or reading other Facebook users’ posts on their wall can be consoling for many, but some find it an unwanted, constant reminder of their loss.

“Many individuals in my interviews pointed out that seeing that others were going through what they were, too, and being able to talk with them and share memories about the deceased really helped them in coping with their loss,” Pennington said. “On the flip side, some people think grief should be a private thing. Seeing others talk about the deceased online makes the pain that much more intense.”

Emily Heiden, a senior from Urbandale, Iowa, lost a close friend during her freshman year. In April 2009, Dalton Hawkins, a freshman at the time, passed away after falling from the roof of a campus scholarship hall. His parents removed his Facebook page the day he died, so his friends created a memorial page in his honor.

“I write on that page every now and then," Heiden said. "It helps to say ‘I miss you’ or ‘I can’t wait to see you again’, but it’s always hard knowing I won’t get to talk and laugh with him anytime soon.”

According to Facebook’s official blog about profile pages of the deceased, it is important for the friends and family to contact Facebook and request that the profile be memorialized. This is done by filling out a feedback form which will ask for proof of a relationship with the deceased, such as knowledge of a birthday or email address. Also, a news article or obituary is needed as a proof of death.

By doing this, the deceased will no longer appear in the “suggestions” area, where Facebook prompts users to get reconnected with friends. Privacy settings are changed so that only confirmed friends can see the profile or locate it in a search. To protect the deceased’s privacy, Facebook removes personal information, such as contact information and status updates. Memorializing prevents anyone from logging into the account, but allows friends and family to leave posts on the wall in remembrance.

Pennington’s research shows that Facebook memorial pages first started popping up after the 2007 Virginia Tech shooting. These helped those who knew the deceased, and even those who didn’t, find a conventional place online to talk about the catastrophe and offer their sympathy. A benefit to having a memorial page created, as opposed to a profile page of the deceased, is that people can opt out of joining the group if they so choose — though in Pennington’s research participants have chosen not to unfriend the deceased.

“I think online memorials have to be more closely monitored," Pennington said. "Past research on them has shown experiences where you have people posting hateful things about the deceased or writing about someone else and comparing the two deaths.”

Pennington said that those who do not wish to see others’ posts on Facebook to the deceased shouldn’t feel bad about these feelings — they should just hide the stories from their news feeds and understand that every person has his or her own way of mourning.

“Grief is highly personal, and each person decides what they need to get through the process,” Pennington said. “I think this points to how, even if immediately it hurts to have that online presence, that in the long term users are finding that having that page available, should they ever need it, is a comfort.”

Max Kelly, a partner and engineer at Facebook, writes in the blog that when someone passes away, they won’t ever leave the memories of their friends and family. Through memorialized profiles, they also won’t leave the social network.

Andrew Thornton, a sophomore from Lenexa, lost his friend, Hallie Steele, this past summer after an accident at a concert.

“She was free-spirited and not afraid to be herself," he said. "I think it’s great that people can go on her page and say how much they miss her and what an impact she made on their lives.”

Steele’s Facebook page is still visited by friends who leave posts regularly. She was also from Lenexa and a sophomore at the time of her death.

“I feel that just because someone is gone, that doesn’t mean that the memory of them has to go away, too," Thornton said. "Facebook kind of allows them to live on in a sense.”

— Edited by Laura Nightengale