Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Toward the end of last semester, I noticed a mole on my right thigh was growing in size, changing colors and had an irregular border and asymmetrical shape, which fit most of the criteria for melanoma.
Eventually, I couldn’t ignore this anymore and I had to get it checked by a dermatologist. He agreed that the mole looked awfully suspicious and immediately took a biopsy, promising results within a week.
I spent the next week kicking myself, almost convinced that I had a cancer that was completely self-inflicted.
Staring at the patch of skin the doctor removed, I came to the realization that I did regret something: I regret the hours I spent in a tanning bed, trying to fit an image than I just wasn’t.
I was born a redhead with light skin that burns easily and lots of freckles. Growing up, very few people looked like me and because of that, I always assumed I was ugly.
And the beauty magazines I bought as a teenager reinforced this belief, associating pale skin with ugliness, dullness and lifelessness.
So, I pretended as if my genetics were something I could change and I just tanned (and occasionally burnt) the crap out of my skin for years so I could feel confident “in my own skin,” so to speak.
Not only did I tan to get that darker-skin-with-the-sexy-glow look (even in mid-winter in Kansas, which really doesn’t even make sense), I grew addicted to the endorphin fix tanning gave me.
I did all of this completely aware of the consequences. I knew that every time I lay in a tanning bed I was increasing my chance of getting a disease that could possibly kill me. In fact, indoor tanning before the age of 35 increases the risk of developing melanoma by 75 percent, according to the International Agency for Research on Cancer.
Eventually, sometime around my sophomore year, I finally decided it was time to break my habit. I decided that I looked awfully dumb in the middle of a Kansas winter with sun-kissed cheeks, tanned skin and strawberry-blonde hair.
I decided that it was time to embrace my natural pale skin and quit using the little money I had on tanning packages and lotions I thought I needed to feel good about myself. I realized that tanning is an industry and the media want us to desire a tan because they make money from it. I decided that I could get endorphins from other, healthier sources, like exercise.
Like most bad habits, as soon as I stopped tanning for about a month, I didn’t really miss it. Much to my surprise, I got just as much attention from guys when I was pale as when I had that “healthy glow.” It turned out, I didn’t need to be tan to feel good about myself. (Self-tanner helped a little, too).
Luckily, the results on my mole came back negative and I’m cancer-free, for now.
It’s a cultural norm for college students to do self-destructive things to our bodies (drinking, smoking, drugs), but few of us take the time to actually think about the long-term effects of our actions.
And, looking back, I do regret that I damaged my skin and risked the future of my health for the sake of my appearance. To me, that just isn’t worth it.
— Mandy Matney is a senior in journalism from Shawnee.
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