Ask Aroog Graphic

Ask Aroog is an advice column for University of Kansas students to ask columnist Aroog Khaliq for advice on love, relationships and life.

Dear Aroog,

Here’s the sitch.

I live in a four person room in my sorority house and my roommates are absolutely evil to me. They never include me in anything, they talk about me behind my back, and then pretend to be friendly to my face.

What’s worse is that I know they have messages about me in a separate group chat which has been shown to me. What should I do? I try to be nice, and my friends would tell you I’m a really caring person.

I feel helpless.

Sincerely,

Sick of the Girl Drama

 

Dear Sick of the Girl Drama,

I am so sorry to hear that you are in the middle of such a toxic living situation. School is enough of a stressor on its own, and coming back from a long day with no place to relax is enough to make anyone feel helpless. The upside is that you do not have to feel this way for long. There is a way out.

You have already established that no matter how kind and caring you try to be toward your roommates, they will continue to ostracize you while pretending to care. You know you don’t deserve this. No one ever does. We owe it to each other as adults to have mature conversations and handle our petty issues without resorting to the underhanded middle school drama of an exclusionary group chat.

Does this mean you have to verbally confront your roommates? It might not be the most lionhearted advice, but I would recommend against entering this tricky three-on-one situation. Without knowing anything else about your support system or the dynamics of your sorority house, I can’t urge you toward the first line of defense in any interpersonal issue: direct, honest communication.

What I do urge you to do is reach out to whoever runs the rooming situation at your sorority house, and ask for reassignment as soon as possible. It might be too late in the semester now, but spring semester is the perfect time for a fresh start. Reaching out to administration might seem extreme, but this is what you need, Sick. You deserve a calm, drama-free space to return to when you’re done with your day, so you can juggle all your responsibilities without feeling helpless.

I know far, far too many people with roommate horror stories to tell you that waiting things out is the way to go. No one has to be best friends with their roommates, but you have to share a bond of trust and respect in order to successfully navigate the intimacy of sharing a level space. Your sorority might accommodate you immediately, or you might need to get some bigger players involved, but it is worth it.

You deserve peace of mind, a safe environment, and roommates who treat you well. Go forth and collapse the barriers that stand in the way of these simple, essential needs.

I believe in you.

Love,

Aroog

 

Got a question? Ask Aroog at tinyurl.com/askaroog.

Aroog Khaliq is a junior from Overland Park studying English and psychology.