FFA of the Day: “Instead of doing anything productive, I watched a 30 minute video about a youtuber whose mom forced her to dress like a doll.”
"I heard someone on the porch, so I'm hoping it's my vibrator."
“It’s 2020, and I’m feeling ‘Eh’ as Hell.”
"I like to stick my head out the window. I drive a convertible; I'm practically a dog."
“There were feet on the dresser, so we just kept them.”
"Ohhhh this is a TYPE A bitch."
“Sometimes when I’m bored I make my Alexa and Google Home compete to see who can tell better jokes.”
“In middle school, we had a dress code and it was ‘modest’ is ‘hottest.’”
“Chances are if you’re late- a Kansas senator is later.”
"I tend to think about everything in terms of guns.
"I'm gay; I have to love Abba"
“I think Bill Clinton said that once... and maybe Fleetwood Mac”
“I’m a triple major on the dean’s list and can’t spell spaghetti.”
“He was wearing plaid though so I was like...no, but like, maybe?”
“So are we watching Spy Kids or Gerald’s Game?”
“White people's culture is snorting salt for the rush.”
"It doesn't make you a sinner, but it does make you a little shit."