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FFA of the Day: “Kiss him on the cheek.” “That’s not how I roll... I suck dick.”

“Close your eyes and open your mouth.”

“I got tased like 3 times tonight I think.”

"It’s fine if I die, as long as I find a good tiktok to set it to.”

“Is the boom boom room a speakeasy?”

“I can’t take my foot out in public.”

“Sex is a good thing. Good sex is a godly thing.”

"He’s a good communicator- he just lies.”

“No night is a no calculus night.” 

"I can't wall twerk in the newsroom anymore.”

"How do I politely tell someone they are an idiot?" —Start with, 'with all due respect'"

“I can’t be woken up by anything but fear at this point.”

“This is like a porno gone bad… no wait, gooood.”

“Well if he doesn’t like it, he can just go fly a kite… in hell.”

“Let’s get drunk and play Mao.”