FFA 2019

 

FFA of the day: when i have my first sip of iced coffee is how i imagine jesus felt when he was resurrected
 
“When I’m drunk I forget about calories and I think that’s very therapeutic”
 
“Why can’t you two be boyfriend and girlfriend for just two days a week?”
 
"remind me to insult a police officer at 5pm"
 
“How did this ant get my arm?”
“Speaking of, have you heard of string theory?”

“I wish there was a way to reverse eat things."

“Oh, I guess that’s just throwing up.”

“If I ever have a child that’s allergic to peanut butter I’m throwing it away”
 
"it's like galaxies and gossip"
 
“I was a scout, of course I know how to whittle a wand.”
 
“Family emergencies do not count”
 
“Homeless people have it too easy”
 
"In my head, murders kind of happen in bathrooms a lot"
 
"Somebody get me a dead body."
 
“That’s when I almost jumped through snapchat and stabbed him”
 
"He switched to a psych major because really he needs therapy."
  
“It’s either Paul Blarts or Uncle Ricos. Those are the people that have mustaches”
 
“My dad thinks he’s Emily Dickinson”
 
"never use laid unless you're getting laid."
 
"honestly, Scott could get it"
 
 “I just feel like I should target you as a person”
 
"I will literally kill myself. Not to be dramatic."
 
“He’s below the toe poverty line”