Smith: Gender equality works both ways
In the war of the roses, men are taught to treat women with kid gloves, which doesn’t do either sex any favors.
Tuesday, November 6th, 2007
It’s like my masculinity is a handicap. I hear one thing but I know I’m not getting the whole message.
I swear, women are wonderful most of the time, but there comes the eventual argument that makes me want to move to Scotland so I can be closer to Johnnie Walker.
When I was a little boy, my mother was an 80s feminist. She had a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree from a good college. Aside from working full-time and raking in the dough, she and her husband had a good marriage and a couple sons who, they knew, would grow up to be really awesome (public approval rating still pending).
My brother and I were taught the feminist values mixed in with our general helping of everyday morality.
As a man I morally support equality on all fronts. Women, homosexuals, blacks, Palestinians, Israelis, Russians, Venusians—all of us should really have a cookout and hug.
Of course my favorite lesson occurred when the little girl from across the street hauled off and smacked me right across the face because she’d seen a girl do it to a boy in a movie. My mother grabbed my hand, poised as it was in retaliatory action, just in time and said, “Gentlemen don’t hit!”
So, ladies, in that moment it was made clear to me that if, in the future, men and women have become militarily opposed and both factions are on opposite sides of the battlefield (innie’s on one side, outies on the other) you will have the option of first strike and we will have to just quietly awaiting our own annihilation.
Now, forgive me for being logical, but I’m sick of this.
I’m sick of that old joke, “If a man speaks in the forest and a woman is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?” I’m sick of keeping my head down and hoping for the best. As a man I morally support equality on all fronts. Women, homosexuals, blacks, Palestinians, Israelis, Russians, Venusians—all of us should really have a cookout and hug. But it’s getting so that when I have a legitimate grievance and ensuing argument with the opposite sex, I’m not allowed to win on the basis that I am a man and therefore habitually wrong.
To generalize is dangerous. I have won arguments with women. But damn it, they are the first to pipe up and say something along the lines of, “Well of course he won, he’s so pig-headed,”
The fact that I can’t hit a girl back is fine with me. I’m a pacifist, now. I circumvented my reliance on animal justice in the 7th grade when I nearly injured a boy for pushing me too far.
I don’t mind if a woman wins her arguments fair and square. Power to her! But the girl who holds up her hand and says, “Well, you’ll never understand because you’re a man.” That’s a real sign that I’m talking to a very nice, pretty, opinionated, lazy person who would be reasonable if only they had some sort of respect for how much effort it sometimes takes guys like me to keep from leaping across the table and forgetting that rule mom taught us so long ago “Gentlemen don’t hit!”
Smith is a Rose Hill graduate student in English.
Discussion
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Of course, this is written by a man who couldn't possibly understand. Just kidding! Really! LMAO!
There is a sort of vicious double standard in the female sex in our society, I think. As an example, it's becoming increasingly trendy for women to say "I want to be treated equally to men." Great! I completely agree with that. There's no excuse for a woman to be in the same career field as a man and get paid less than her male counterpart for doing the same job. That's just dumb.
However, how many women work against themselves at the same time by using their "assets" to their advantage? Call it doing what you have to to survive, or blame it on men having a biological reaction to seeing cleavage, but I know too many women who are willing to wear a low cut shirt and go out of their way to flirt to put themselves at a significant advantage. Many women indeed abuse their sexuality, in a much more subtle way than men (I'm not saying men don't abuse it in more vile ways)- everyone knows a woman who has gotten out of a traffic ticket by crying, and some even know women who have gotten into their jobs by using a romantic or sexual relationship or just by flirting.
It's also amusing to me when I see girls on campus on the phone complaining about "nasty guys" who "keep staring at my chest/butt" but they have booty shorts with "Princess" or "Prostitute" written across them. Hello? You're putting a word on your ass. Think about it! If I wore a speedo with "stud" written in glitter on the ass, I'm sure people would look- probably in horrid disgust, but they'd look nonetheless. Now I'm not saying it's right to gawk at a girl, but if you don't want attention, don't dress sexually! I mean, honestly, do you think if you're in a t-shirt and sweatpants, you're getting stared at the same? And I know, men shouldn't look at women they don't know sexually, but honestly, you cannot tell me that women are not dressing to appeal sexually to men on SOME level when they dress in some of the clothing that is out there. This isn't a defense of a rapist who rapes a girl for wearing a miniskirt. This is just a simple "how can you be offended if a guy looks at you for wearing a bathing suit to class."
Just to get this in before I get ripped for saying that women do this- I'm talking about the attention-desiring ones. I find that the large majority of my female peers do not exhibit these behaviors- however, they are out there, and often ignored in the too-often bleak assessments of men. Men are only interested in sex, only men do sexist things. While male sexism is more direct and therefore easier to spot, female sexism is just as prevalent, in bleak assessments of male counterparts and general frustration at perceived sexist mistreatment.
Young men are socialized now to be completely respectful of women (but a lot aren't), but as the author pointed out, sometimes when treated like an equal, it means the treatment must go both ways. I remember at a previous retail job, I was ringing up some purchases for a woman. In order to get a special accommodation (she wanted the store to authorize a sales flier she found, supposedly in the store, that was more than a month out of date), she insinuated that I was "talking to her breasts." It's ironic, because I had absolutely no interest in her sexually- one of my turn offs happens to be an egotistical smugness, and she was dripping with it- and I made eye contact throughout the full time she was talking to me, except for when I was going to scan her purchase, when I looked down at the counter. Of course, I look like the huge jerk, but every single person who knows me knows I am not like that. I felt like saying "I have no interest whatsoever in your boobs, lady, I really don't even want to talk to you," but again, there's no route you can go. If I apologize, it seems like I actually did stare at her breasts, which I did not. If I don't, it seems like I'm just being a jerk. There's no way to win there- I can't argue with her, as that makes the situation worse. I simply said that I wasn't looking at her like that and she promptly went to complain in order to get a special accomodation on the price.
Hell, it's the same deal where a girl who was dressed provocatively was picked up away from any bus stop not too long ago on Park and Ride (she flagged the bus down)- and offered a ride to where she was going, which was a building not even on the P&R route- the bus detoured and cost everyone else on it an extra couple minutes because she got extra special treatment. I can tell you that no matter how I dress, there isn't a single bus driver on this campus that would stop away from any other stop and make an extra stop off the route just for me, and I certainly wouldn't expect them to.
The plight of the white, middle class man.
Meh, I'm not claiming to understand what it's like to be a woman, it's not comparable, I understand that- women have to deal with a lot more socially than men do. I just haven't met a woman that acknowledges the fact that all men aren't d-bags, and all women aren't oppressed
I don't think all men are dirtbags and there are certainly women who can be the oppressors. But, I think the example llama726 cites pales (no pun intented) in comparison to what many minorities, women and gays deal with when it comes to oppression and discrimination. I am woman who would never lower myself to use my gender as a reason to get special treatment and most of my friends feel the same way.
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